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Can you trust your mate with your life?
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It was not a surprise when Mark and Patty got married. It was also not a surprise when they were not together very long. After only three years, Mark start selling and using drugs, got involved with another woman, and left town with her. For a while, Patty had no idea where he was or what he was doing, but Mark's mother felt she had a right to know. Mark's mother had been to see him after he called stating he was incarcerated in California. He and his female companion were caught with drugs, arrested and each of them sentenced. Mark was given 6 years. Patty considered getting a divorce, but because he had been ill, she decided to wait.
Several months before Mark was to be released, Patty began writing to him. In the beginning, he would not reply to her letters. Then one day to her surprise, she received a letter from him. He explained to her that he wanted to write her, but did not know what to say to her. He was now in a therapeutic program and his physician told him that he should answer her letters and give her an explanation for why he did the things he did, and answer the questions she had been asking. He apologized for how he had treated her and that he had not meant to hurt her. He had been so messed up at that time, he was not thinking straight and did not think before he jumped into things.
They began writing one another constantly. Before long, they were making plans for his homecoming. Patty made changes around the house; putting in new carpet, painting, and purchased a couple of new pieces of furniture. She also bought a few outfits for him that she knew he would like.
Suddenly, Patty began saying she did not know if things would work out. She did not know if she would feel like being bothered with a man again. She wondered if they could really live as husband and wife. Her family could sense something was wrong, but had no idea what it could be. Patty had been so excited about Mark coming home, but now she acted as if it did not matter. Her sisters thought it might be because Patty had had a heart attack that required a triple bypass just two years previously and had been afraid of staying alone for quite a while after the surgery. They felt she may now fear having sexual relations with her husband.
Patty seemed pretty much herself once Mark was actually home. Things went well for a while. One evening, about three months after his return, Patty became ill and was taken to the emergency room of a nearby hospital. She was diagnosed with pneumonia and admitted. Her physician told Mark that Patty also had lung cancer and only had about two months to live. He explained to Mark that Patty had been ill for a long time and had been diagnosed with the cancer over four years previously. He stated that Patty had come to the hospital a few times, but refused to have any treatment for the cancer. That same day the rest of the family was made aware of Patty's condition. Her daughter, mother, sisters and brothers were in total shock. They could not understand how someone could live with cancer for that length of time and not tell anyone, and why didn't she let her family know she was ill.
Patty was released four days later, though she was not completely well. She was readmitted three days later. This time she was placed on a respirator, a feeding tube, and Propofol to keep her asleep for the better part of the day and night for several days. She was able to come off of the respirator within five days and was allowed to go home three days later.
She was feeling better and did not feel the doctor knew what he was talking about regarding her cancer. She stated he was wrong about her dying -- how could she be dead in two months? As it turned out, she was wrong.
During her illness, she discovered some things about her husband that frightened her. On her return to the hospital for pneumonia, while in the emergency room her heart stopped but was able to be resuscitated. Mark told the physician if her heart should stop again "do not resuscitate." Patty's family was outraged. Mark also requested that no one be allowed to see Patty. When family members were not allowed in to see her and complained, the nurses told Patty why they did not allow her family to visit. Patty told the staff that she wanted to see all of her family. After this, Patty no longer trusted Mark and did not want to be left alone with him.
While some out-of-town relatives were visiting and telling Patty how sorry they were that she was dying, Mark stated that he was going to have her cremated. She screamed out that she would not be cremated.
As days turned into weeks, her illness progressed very quickly. She was now on oxygen constantly. She could not lie down and sleep due to problems breathing. She slept in a recliner. Her cousin, Tina, had been living with her since the first hospital admission for pneumonia. Mark was gone all the time in Patty's car. He had in his mind that when she passed he would get the house, car, insurance, and anything that she had.
Tina was at the house with Patty all the time. She would only leave for short periods to run errands when someone else would be there to see after Patty. Mark was practically never there with her, especially at night.
On the morning Patty passed away, Tina had received a call and had to leave to take care of an emergency. It just so happened that Mark had stayed the night before, so he was there with Patty when Tina left. When Tina returned and realized Patty had died, she became very suspicious. Patty did not have on her oxygen mask. As a matter of fact, the oxygen tank, mask, and tubes were not even in the same room as Patty. Tina found her in the recliner with her head back. She kept asking herself, "why was the oxygen in the other room?" As soon as Tina had come in, Mark left again in Patty's car.
Because Patty felt she could not trust Mark, the last week of her life she had written down exactly what she wanted. She wanted to have a funeral and be buried. She also wanted to make sure that her daughter and grandchildren received her belongings; house, car, insurance, etc. Unaware of the law regarding matters of this sort, the family was devastated when Patty's insurance from her job was awarded to Mark. It was felt to be a good thing that Patty did not know that prior to her death. All her other wishes were carried out the way she had requested.
It was so cruel that this woman had to see her husband act this way as she was facing death. Has it ever occurred to any of you what your mate would do in a similar situation? Can he or she be trusted to carry out your wishes as you are dying?
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