"I'm so hot for her...she's so cold."

March 28, 3:30 AMSexual Health ExaminerCourtney Bee

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Quick--make your move. She looks receptive.

 "Sticking It to Courtney Bee"

Your sex and relationship questions answered...cheekily 

 Today's Stinging Question:

 Dear Courtney,

I’ve always had a pretty good sex life with my girlfriend, but lately it seems like she’s just lost interest. We used to have great sex a few times a week, but now I’m lucky if I get it once a week. I want my sex life back. Help! 

--Gettin Nuttin, New York, NY 

Courtney Bee Takes It:

Dear Gettin Nuttin,

A female's sexual desire naturally fluctuates throughout her life. According to some studies, over 40 percent of women report low sexual desire at some point. Highs and lows often coincide with the beginning or end of a relationship or with major life changes, such as pregnancy, illness, or menopause. The number of times you have sex each week isn't always the best measure of your libido; women pass up sex for a myriad of reasons that have nothing to do with desire, including tiredness, stress, poor body image or lack of emotional intimacy. Prescription medications can also affect sex drive, particularly antidepressants and blood pressure medications. If your relationship is peachy keen in all other areas and your girlfriend can’t identify any stressors that might be contributing to low libido (a major move, death in the family, boss from hell, etc.) and the problem persists, it may be time to see a professional. A doctor can search for a physical cause of the problem; undiagnosed medical conditions such as diabetes or high blood pressure may be possible culprits. 

Low sex drive can make your girlfriend feel guilty or rejected, which can lead to further conflicts and stress. Despite your frustration or confusion, it’s important to be supportive and to keep communication strong. While you’re clearly irked by the lack of action in the bedroom, whipping out your appendage and screaming, “Love him! Love him, dammit!” is just going to lead to awkwardness. Remember that for women, better emotional intimacy often results in better sexual intimacy. With this in mind:

Steps  you and your partner can take to increase intimacy

• Communicate. Conflicts are an inevitable part of any relationship. Couples who fight constructively and communicate in an open, honest way maintain a stronger emotional connection, which can fan the flames for better sex. Talking about sex is equally important, and discussing your turnons and turnoffs can lay the groundwork for greater sexual intimacy.
• Get a pro on your side. Seeing a sex therapist or counselor skilled in addressing sexual concerns can help with low libido. Therapy often focuses on education about sexual response and techniques and recommendations for reading materials or couples' exercises.
• Make time for intimacy. Scheduling sex into your itinerary may seem dull and contrived. But making your hormones a priority can help put your sex drive back on track.
• Spice it up. Experiment with different sexual positions, a different time of day or a new locale for sex. If you and your partner are open to experimentation, sex toys and roleplay can help rekindle a sense of newness and excitement (admit it—your girlfriend would make a great naughty schoolgirl).

           --Courtney Bee