Domestic violence: Guerline stayed with husband and now she and her five children are dead

September 22, 1:25 PMMental Health ExaminerJerilyn Dufresne

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Mesac Damas is escorted by police after his arrest in Port-au-Prince,
Monday, Sept. 21, 2009. Damas, who was detained for the Florida
slaying of his wife and their five children, said Monday that he returned
to his native Caribbean nation "to say goodbye to my family."
(AP Photo/Ramon Espinosa)

There was a gruesome scene awaiting deputies in Naples, Florida on Saturday. Guerline Damas and her five children were found dead in their family home. There are no details on how they were murdered, but the sheriff stated it was "horrific."

The suspect is the husband and father, Mesac Damas. He left for Haiti on Friday morning, and was found hiding by a hotel in Port au Prince. Since he is an American citizen he will most likely be extradited.

This article isn't about him however. It's about Guerline, the victim. There had been domestic violence in the home prior to this--Mesac pleaded no contest to battery against his wife in June. But authorities say there was a history of calls.

Guerline stayed with him. What makes a domestic violence victim stay with her abuser. (The word "her" is used advisedly. Although men do get abused in relationships, women are the primary victims.)

If indeed Mesac abused his wife and ultimately killed her and the children, then why did she stay? She most likely stayed for one of the following reasons:

1. She feared for her life. Abusers do a great job of threatening victims so they are fearful to leave. Maybe the threats aren't against her, but against someone she loves.

2. She feared that he would kill the children. Abusers often threaten loved ones which keeps the victim a virtual prisoner.

3. She didn't know her options. There are many options in even small communities. If you are in an abusive relationship and wish to leave, go to a safe computer and search on domestic violence. You'll be amazed at the wonderful resources. For example, check out the National Domestic Violence Hotline.

4. She loved him, and couldn't break away from that love.

No matter what the reason that she didn't leave him, she bears no burden of guilt in her death. Someone killed her and her five children. The husband is a suspect, but that's it for now. He did say that he went back to Haiti to say goodbye to his family, so that indicates something. (See picture caption.)

Did anyone in the neighborhood know about the abuse. Is someone sitting in their recliner right now and thinking, "Why in the hell didn't I call the cops when I thought something was going on?" There may be people feeling responsibility, but they aren't the guilty parties.

The one who murdered them is the guilty one--not the victim, not the neighbor, not the relative, not the social worker who investigated previous calls of domestic violence, not the cops who came when people called to complain about what was going on. No one bears the blame but the murderer. And ultimately he'll have a very long time to ruminate on his guilt.