Dating to Get What You Deserve: Take Charge

November 4, 2:06 AMBoston Dating ExaminerAlisa Chagnon

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There are some things about men that will not change and are forever locked in place.  If you know what these are, these obstacles that stop men from making commitments to a woman…then you have the secret to knowing how snag the man you want.  You will no longer be in limbo, you will not waste time dating guys who will not give you what you want, you will never have to be at HIS whim and follow HIS time table for marriage or commitment.  YOU can be in charge.

You will need to change your rules about dating.  Don’t think about this as playing a game…Because HE will begin the games… all you will be doing is changing your reactions to his games….And YOU will win in the end.  What is your prize?  Being with a man you love, in a committed relationship, while being respected and appreciated for the wonderful woman you are!

Women work WAY too hard to please a man…and it backfires.  The more you try to please a man, the more he will lose respect for you.   Does this mean that you have to be a bitch? NO!  But it does mean having a backbone, being an individual, NOT putting up with any bullshit…all while being loving, caring and kind.

If you are dating a man and you give off the impression that you are saying “Here, take my body and then eat the cake I baked for you…Please be nice to me, please marry me, please don’t lie to me”….You will be inviting him to do play with your mind and take advantage of your vulnerabilities.

In romance, there is NOTHING more attractive to a man than a women who has dignity and pride in who she is. 

A man will consider you a long-term prospect (instead of a doormat or booty call) when YOU have added the ingredient of respect.

In order to be looked at differently, you need to THINK differently.  He has to see that you call your OWN shots and that you do not need input from ANYONE.  This says, “I am secure”.  The BIGGEST relationship killer is neediness and insecurity. 

Instead of thinking “Where is my ring” “Why won’t he commit to me?”….You need to think: “What is the advantage of having this guy around?”…”How do I FEEL about myself when we spend time together”….And then a strange thing happens…HE falls all over himself to try to get you.
Men think that women are so desperate to be loved, so desperate to have a mate, that they will go out of their way to please a man to get married… So what do many men do?  They think that the woman NEEDS a mate…ANY mate…and he loses interest.

Men do not marry women who are perfect.  Men marry women who are interesting. Think about it… The last time you were in love, was the man perfect?  Chances are he was not a super rich brain surgeon with looks to kill and hung like a barn animal on Viagra!  Chances are, there was something special about him, something that reeled YOU in.  Now it is time to reel a man in.

When a man sees or thinks that you are wanting to get married, that you want commitment, that you are jealous, that you want control over a relationship… He will automatically “mark” you as “insecure” and a true relationship is out of the question in his mind. When a men things that a women is weak, he will not feel the need to work at the relationship.  It becomes “male entertainment” at that point.  He’ll kick back, crack open a beer and think “She’s trying so hard, I’ll never have to break a sweat in this”…And he will only stay around until he finds the girl he REALLY wants to spend his life with.

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