Know your ego states and what makes you tick

July 30, 1:19 PMWest Palm Beach Relationship Psychology ExaminerBonnie Fields

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Everyone is comprised of three ego states. Freud titled them ego, id and superego. Eric Berne, using Freud’s ideas as a basis, redefined them as the Parent, Adult and Child. The Parent is distinct and easily identified, and is incorporated into our personalities throughout our growing up. The Child will manifest the reactions to the Parent. The Adult will reflect both.
The Parent inside the psyche of each person is based on the messages, attitudes and behaviors of external sources (actual parents and/or those in a parental role) They are nurturing or critical or a combination, and that will depend on experiences and teachings during childhood.’
The Child will house impulses and instincts based on the incorporated Parent. If the Parent is nurturing, the Child will be free and natural. If the Parent is critical, the Child will be adapted and compliant.
The Adult is fact gathering and can think and make decisions based on current reality.
In order to get to know your ego states, think about the parent-types that were in your life while you were growing up. Were they supportive, loving and nurturing? Would they tell you things like “you are smart”, “you can do whatever you set your mind to”, I love you”? Or were they critical or abusive? Did they say things like “You’ll never amount to anything”, you always get into trouble”, “I wish you were never born”?
Then notice what is in your Child. As a response to the nurturing Parent, your Child will believe he can be successful in life, can enjoy things, and is entitled to be treated well. If the Parent was critical or abusive, the Child will more likely feel like a loser, and that they deserve to be treated poorly.
When making decisions it is important to notice the messages and attitudes in your Parent and Child, but not to let them control your choices. Instead, think. Instead, let your Adult look at objective reality and the current situation.
Once people learn how to identify the contents in each ego state, they can sort out what is working for them and what is not, and why. Sometimes, a therapist needs to help sort out what is useful and help change what is harmful. It is a valuable tool in figuring out what makes you tick, and who you are.