Helping love last

November 4, 7:22 PMLexington Relationships ExaminerSarah Allen

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Recently, I discovered an article on MSN called 39 Ways to Make Your Love Last and Last. Now, I don't want to become the type of Examiner that just posts links to other articles, but I feel the need to share this one.

I'm a big advocate of the little things. It's always the little things that really make life worth while. Thus, it only makes sense that the little things can also help make love grand. The article I mentioned lists several things you and your sweetie-pie can do once a week and a few for at least once in a lifetime that can help your relationship grow, last, and be fulfilling. I'll pick and choose some of my favorites for you.

1. Fight - It's true. Those couples who never have an argument....ever....about anything...are probably lacking something key to a truly successful relationship: passion. A lack of fights indicates a lack of caring. No one is perfect and if you can't bring yourself to tell your love when something bothers you, then how can you possibly expect to have a fulfilling relationship with him/her?
2. Hold hands - Simple. Sweet. Adorable. This small act can create an incredibly strong bond. Not only does it show your feelings for each other, it is also a clear sign to everyone else "back off, he/she is mine!"
3. Compliment each other - I've discussed this before. It's still completely valid.
4. Let stuff go - Don't argue over EVERYTHING. This may seem to go against number 1, but trust me, it doesn't. While the ability to discuss issues (i.e fight) is important, it's also just as important to realize that not everything needs to have it's own argument. Choose your battles.
5. Be do-gooders - The article states you should volunteer together. I really like this idea. Last weekend, I found a stray kitten running around my apartment's parking lot. Those who know me, realize this could be detrimental to my desire to keep my cat count level strictly at 2 (Yes, I admit it...I'm sort of a crazy cat lady). I brought the kitten in and asked my boyfriend to take me to the humane society the next day to drop her off. I felt good, she'll get a good home, I'm thankful he was wonderful enough to do it, and my boyfriend thinks I'm a good person for it.
6. Brag publically about him/her - You should be proud of the one your with. Why not tell people why? I constantly brag about my sweetheart. Half of my clients know how impressed I am with the fact that he's chasing his dreams and that he's off to a great start. (By the by, here's me publically bragging about the amazing man known as William Thrasher.)
7. Switch roles - Do you find that one of you always cooks? Maybe the other one always pays when you go out. Perhaps one of you is always the one making the plans. It's even possible that one of you is always responsible for initiating sex. Switch things up every now and then! You'll find you both feel refreshed when the other one takes on the responsibility of different activities.
8. Talk about birth control - This is exceptionally important. If you're willing to have sex, you better be willing to talk about protection. What are you going to use? Condoms? Pills? Spermacide? IUD? who's going to pay for it? Should you use more than one? Eventually, you'll need to take this a step further and talk about kids. There are, strictly speaking, three main degrees on the scale of desire for children: a want, an openness to the possibility, no desire at all. Of course, there are varying degrees within those three degrees, but we'll keep it at these for simplicity's sake. When you get to the part of the relationship where you need to discuss children (and that part should ALWAYS come well before marriage), it's necessary to discover where each of you fall on the line. It's unfair to both of you if one of you wants kids and the other has no desire.
9. Have a poor phase - Ok, I do agree with Will on this one in that it's kind of difficult to control this, but it's still a good experience. I say this because I'm currently in the middle (hopefully more towards the end) of my own poor phase. When you experience this kind of thing together, it'll make you so much more appreciative for the things you have and can get once you move past this phase. It also helps your creativity (I've come up with some great recipe's based on the random things I can find in my cupboard). Plus, you have to find free or extremely inexpensive entertainment...and when your entertainment boils down to the two of you curled up on your couch with a glass of cheap champagne and a shared pork chop, you learn to appreciate each other a lot more too.
10. Fall apart - Go ahead and break down. Cry, scream, pull your hair out. If you can't do this with the one you love, who can you do it with? Everyone has bad days and it's important to know you can have a break down in front of your love and have your relationship survive in tact.

So there you have it. Of the 39 original suggestions, these are the 10 I found most important. Honorable mention goes out to all of the suggestions related to sex that I did not include on my own list.