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Join the Voluntary Human Extinction Movement
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The Voluntary Human Extinction Movement (VHEMT) is something that all Rhode Island men should look into. Pronounced vehement, members of this organization have pledged that they will not reproduce. Their sound rationale is that the resources of earth are already far too taxed by the human race and that continuing to add to the population only worsens the overall condition of both humanity and the planet. Furthermore, they feel that humanity is the primary danger to the earth’s ecosystem and should be gradually phased out. The modern single man should be jumping at the chance to join this group.
Single, childless males are often treated differently in the workplace. They’re given the tougher assignments and forced to work longer hours than their married counterparts. Unlike other forms of discrimination this is largely acceptable due to a feminist conspiracy that paints non-breeders as selfish leeches on society. The principles of VHEMT, however, give the Rhode Island male a powerful weapon in the fight against this and other inequalities – a self-righteous political opinion.
Electing to not have children for the good of the environment and/or for the good of the rest of humanity can be presented by men as a virtue. Spin hard enough and it even becomes a sacrifice to be admired: “I’ve always wanted to hold my own precious child, but when I considered how many poor children out there are starving because we’ve overtaxed the world’s resources I couldn’t justify that sort of selfishness. I guess my family name will have to die with me.” At this point it’s helpful (though not necessary) to trail off into soft tears. It doesn’t matter that the real reason you don’t want kids is because they smell and at some point they’ll be old enough to start stealing beer from you. It’s perfectly normal to ignore the truth when it’s not in your favor.
Pledging childlessness can be added as the 7th Step to Staying Single. Not only will you chase a lot of women away by going into details about your newfound beliefs, but you’ll also infuriate them in the process. Since women are addicted to babies any interaction that counters the notion that “babies are awesome,” causes all sorts of havoc in their ‘logic’ centers. It would be like if someone were to confess to you that they believed that Tom Brady wasn’t the messiah, or people that sing Country songs at karaoke night should be treated like normal human beings. On the off-chance that you find a woman who responds positively to your involvement with VHEMT you should be wary – she is likely a mole. Reveal no secrets to her.
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