Gay troops suffer under Don't Ask, Don't Tell--even when they're not fired

October 13, 11:52 PMSonoma County Civil Rights ExaminerMegan Coffey

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Only heterosexual partners get to welcome their military spouses home in public.  Photo: AP/Mel Evans

Recent discussion of Don't Ask, Don't Tell (DADT)--the policy that prevents LGBT citizens from serving openly in the US military--has focused on those troops who have been discharged under the 1993 law, such as Arabic linguist Lt. Dan Choi, the loss of whom is clearly harmful to the effectiveness of our national defense.  Approximately 13,000 gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender troops have been fired since the law took effect; currently LGBT military personnel are being discharged at the rate of two per day, often because they are "outed" against their will by other people.  A study released October 8 reveals that women are far more likely than men to be fired under DADT, whether because of inherent military sexism and lesbian-baiting, or because of a higher percentage of lesbians within the relatively small female military population.

However, less attention is paid to the suffering of LGBT military personnel who succeed in hiding their sexual and/or gender identities from their superiors.  As hard as deployment is on the heterosexual relationships of troops deployed on the battlefield, it is exponentially harder on the same-sex relationships of deployed troops, because gay personnel must pretend their partners don't exist.

If an LGBT troop is injured or killed, his or her partner may never even find out. Same-sex partners cannot see their loved ones off or welcome them home from deployments in public; they cannot send them openly affectionate letters or emails, or talk to them by phone, or send them care packages or photos, or even say or write "I love you" to each other--all under the stress of separation and the daily fear of imminent death.

This enforced shame, secrecy and loneliness take a toll on the relationships of LGBT personnel that is at least as offensive as the damage suffered by the military when it loses hard-working, patriotic troops for no legitimate reason.