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Defining failure and success to a seven year old
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As we have fumbled through the economic playing field, I have often found myself reminding people that, "there is nothing wrong with failure", and that, "it has its own place and purpose". My theory was commonly aimed at the policy of paying off debt and mortgage incurred due to poor decisions, or the Obama-Pelosi belief that government should gobble up the auto and health care industries. As bitter tasting as the word "failure" is, I am more sure than ever, that it is necessary to have failure, in order for success to happen.
True, we have not been in a position in which we did not know if we could pay the next mortgage payment. True, the adults in our family are relatively secure in their careers. True, our family has the security of good heath coverage. To my critics, they say that these factors have made it easy for me to say such things. They could be right, and I have acknowledged that all along. The biggest challenge has come as I have had to apply my mantra to my own son's experience. How do I tell my seven year old that, what he feels to be his greatest failure in his life so far, has its "purpose"? How do I tell my crying child that, "there is nothing wrong with failure"?
The stakes were high for the second graders who were running for Class President. The eight nominees came in with speeches to deliver as to why the vote should go to them. Their Campaign Managers came in with the evidence of their hard work on their markered up hands, glittery posters in tow. Cookies, calendars, pencils and lollipops were handed out to their classmates, all tagged with, "Vote for (Me)". After the speeches, a vote was taken. It was the Primary Elections. It was time to turn the mighty eight into a mere two.
The following day, with much anticipation, the outcome of the vote was announced. My seven year old came running up to me, ready to burst, at dismissal time. The emotion was too strong to hold back. With his head buried into me, I manage to hear him say that he did not make it through the Primaries. My heart sank. For the six who did not advance, my son tells me of many tears falling and the sounds of sobs. After a long time of hugging him and kissing his head, we headed out the school doors.
The challenge was now on me. How was I going to comfort my seven year old who has been faced with rejection and failure? Of course, his father and I had been telling him all along, that we were proud of him getting nominated, for the hard work he was putting into it, and the respect he was giving the process and the role. It is so true. We are so proud of him. Just the same, we are sure that those words are little comfort to him.
As I lay in bed that night, my mind kept going back to my own principal of their being nothing wrong with failure. It was then that, I was able to better understand my own principals. It was then that I realized that God's plan for this election was far greater than finding a winner. It was also about becoming a winner. And helping others become winners. As another parent told me before we even knew the outcome of the Primaries, my son, "really got it". He understood what the role of the President was, what his/her responsibilities to the teacher and the class would be. He understood that he could not make promises he could not keep, (homework also has its place). He respected the election process by preparing his speech himself with his own desire to dress in a suit to deliver it. He really did get it. The morning of the speech, as I straightened his little tie for him, I saw a flashforward. I saw myself standing at his adult side, all suited up, as he prepared for a greater election.
As many parents would think of their own children, I see great things in each of my children's future, each tailored to their own capabilities and interests. For my seven year old, I have always seen diplomacy, leadership, and a sense of duty to fill his years ahead. He is already on the self-motivated path of this. This is why I believe God did not have him advance at this time. To be a great leader, one must be able to recognize his place, position, hi role. Sometimes that means allowing others the opportunity to rise. Sometimes that means playing a great supporting role. We cannot be great leaders, champions of truth and justice, people who leave a positive impression on the world by acting alone. It is knowing how to work cooperatively, as a team, doing what you do best so that others can do the same. This is how true progress is made. This is the evidence of success, not failure.
I am sure that once the election of the Class President has come to pass, all of the drama will subside and poor feelings will yield to better spent energy. My son is fortunate to be surrounded by exceptional children in his class. He is blessed to have a teacher who really gives 110% to her students, (and their parents). Therefore, it is difficult to imagine that their future Class President will be anything less than stellar. In the end, this election will be a success for each and every one of them.
Also in the end, I remain steadfast in my beliefs. There really is nothing wrong with failure. Failure means you probably tried. Failure means that you cared. Failure means that success is in the future.
Author's side note:
If you have an opinion about the 1,990 page health care bill that will go before the House of Representaives THIS SATURDAY, then Newt Gingrich, Mike Church and Michelle Birkenstock URGE you to contact your Representatives! THE TIME IS NOW! HAVE YOUR VOICE BE HEARD! Locate and call your Representative! Tell him or her how you want YOUR vote, that HE or SHE represents YOU with, to be cast on H.R. 3962!
Although, most of you know where I stand on this issue, it does not mean that this message should only go out to those who agree with my opinion. Everyone's voice should be heard. That is what makes democracy move forward.
~Michelle
GOD BLESS AMERICA!
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