Todd English and Erica Wang: Calling off the wedding when it's clearly not right

October 18, 8:36 PMPhiladelphia Marriage ExaminerAnn Keeler Evans

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You've got to be fabulous, not just look fabulous!

David X. Prutting/Patrick McMullan

Todd English the celebrity chef and his fiancée Erica Wang have called off their wedding a week before the ceremony (That would be the $150,000 ceremony at the St. Regis.). There were physical fights, rumors of other partners and all around bad behavior. (Find more on the split here http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/33329059/ns/today-today_people/ )

Certainly, it seems like a sensible move for people who are having fistfights not to get married. What took them so long?

How do you get to the point where you're having fistfights?

Marriage is not about the wedding. Marriage is about marriage. You need to be working on the relationship long before the week before the wedding. The lawsuit alleges the fight was in September. Wouldn't that have been a good time to call the wedding off? Or how about the time before that? Because the odds are the relationship has not been civil for a very long time, if ever.

Relationships with physical violence are not tempestuous or passionate; they're abusive.

Getting out of abusive relationships, wherever the abuse is, is something you do right away. You don't wait until the tension and the drama are so big. It's not as if this couple was young (he's 49, she's 33). They're old enough to know better. They've got plenty of resources which would have allowed them to get some support for building a good relationship.

They made the paper because they're celebrities. The rest of the world has to struggle forward to the right conclusions without all the hoopla. But if your relationship is that off balance, put the wedding on hold. Wanting to save face is no reason to walk into a marriage that doesn't work.

Get the support you need to grow the marriage you want. That's the way to keep moving from "I do" to happily and healthily ever after. You deserve it!

If you have suggestions for topics to explore, write to the Wedding Priestess. You make it all so much more interesting.