Holiday Hints: Advent – Day 3

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December 3: Well, here we are at Day 3 in our week of being curious during our Advent build-holiday-traditions-while-building-a-marriage-a-thon! I'm loving our Advent wreath, how about you? And I'm loving the opportunity to sit with a candle lit with my Sweet Pea.

Today's topic? Gift giving and receiving! Light your candle, grab your beverage and snuggle in. It's going to be a cold evening tonight!

Gifts: What did you get?

• What was the best holiday present you received as a child? Why?
• What was the best holiday present you received as an adult. (uh, if this is how the engagement ring came, be sure to mention that first… but then) Why?
• What was the most disappointing gift? Why? How did you feel about the giver?
• Ok, have to know, if it's your tradition, when did you figure out there was no Santa Claus? (Don't be too loud, WP still believes!)

Traditions: The Way It Was

• What were your family holiday traditions about gift giving?
• What have you done with friends?
• Is the way your family and friends have given gifts comfortable for you? Why and/or Why not?

Going forward: New Traditions

• Have you talked about how you're going to handle gift-giving as a couple? Is there a yours, mine and ours list?
• Since you've been talking about what marriage means to the two of you, (ahem!), what are your values about money, money management and how will they influence your gift giving?
• Given the tough economic times, what makes sense for you and for your families? Is this a good time for an all out Christmas? Or is it better to focus on getting together and fun times?
• And since we're talking about giving, what do you do as individuals about giving back to the community and what do you want to do as a couple? Do you have a percentage of your money that you set aside for charitable donations? Why? Why not?

At this point, try to focus just on your partner's responses. This topic has a lot of potential hot buttons, but you're really just gathering needed information about one another. And trying something one way doesn't mean you don't get to try it differently another year. So, this is all good. Pay attention to body language while you're talking. If you or your partner unsnuggle during this, it's a good idea to pull back and check in. You're working on building happiness and you're with the one you love!

Wedding Priestess has a bias here. I think the present giving thing is 'way over emphasized. Little, fun, useful things are great. But beggaring yourself and running yourself ragged to get holiday presents? The point is to be together. And here's the Priestess part of me: the world needs us.

That said, there are lots of fun things popping up in papers and on line: fun food gifts to prepare (together) for your friends and family (cheap, too!), make cookies or holiday decorations (memories) with the littles in your life. (this is a good way to establish a tradition before your own babes start to arrive.) You can do family gifts like Heifer International or a more local charitable organization. Books are always splendid. Help us all out here. What creative things are you doing for one another and for families for the Holidays: comment below!

One more way to move from "I do" to happily and healthily ever after.

(And remember, I need your help to keep this column current and interesting. Write to me with ideas to explore. Put The Wedding Priestess in the subject line.)