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Holiday Hints: Advent – Day 2
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December 2: Now's the time to use your curiosity to move deeper into your holidays and your relationship building. Often when we're trading stories, we use the "I'm nodding my head being interested, and waiting until you're done talking so I can tell my story" technique. Today Ruthy Kaiser, our friendly therapist at CFR, wants us to know that there's more to curiosity than waiting your turn.
And yes, good relationship skills are learned and cultivated, not simply innate. The phrase, "tell me more about that…" is going to deepen the conversation and create great feelings. Although you're going to have to be emphathetic, it may bring up a whole range of surprising emotioins. So tonight (and every night) offers another great chance to practice.
Tonight, light your candle and talk about mmm… holiday favorite foods. You might want to have this conversation while you're eating at home… otherwise the munchies could ensue. So pour a glass of wine and settle in. (cuddling is still ok! Cookies have a c, right, to match the cuddling, comfort, curious, and candle words from last night!)
What were your favorite holiday foods?
- Who made them?
- What are the feelings and memories associated with those foods?
- Did you help make them with parents or grandparents?
- Did you eat them with siblings, cousins or friends?
- Are there foods that got lost when a grandparent died, or parents divorced?
Important questions:
- Would you like to recreate that tradition in our lives?
- Do you have the recipe so we can recreate that together?
- When should we serve it?
- When can we bake/cook/prepare? (calendars!)
- Do we want to use this as a gift to those who might also remember this fondly or enjoy it on our own?
You might have to turn off the tv for some of these conversations. But that's why there's Tivo and replays. And gasp, what if you left your work at the office? And it's going to make your holiday season (and each one that follows!) sweeter!
(Know we're in good company looking at holiday planning day-by-day. Today the comic strip Sally Forth's suggestion was plan out rude retorts to relatives. It's worth a laugh, but it's not going to build a deeper relationship! Sigh. Mean quips are so easy! Love, though hard, is really worth it!)
One more way to move from "I do" to happily and healthily ever after.
(And remember, I need your help to keep this column current and interesting. Write to me with ideas to explore. Put The Wedding Priestess in the subject line.)
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