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How often do you and your spouse fight about money?
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You fall in love and get married believing that money will never come between you and your partner. Money is a means to an end... no sense in worrying needlessly about what’s down the road. No one can predict the future, right? While it may be correct that no one can predict the future, the frequency and severity of conflict in the marital relationship regarding joint finances may be the biggest predictor of whether or not your love will last over the long haul. Money issues are at the top of the list when it comes to those issues contributing to an already high divorce rate. So what can you do to protect yourself?
Couples with poor communication about finances are unable to address expectations that each may have had when coming into the relationship. Often this degenerates into a power struggle in which very little can be accomplished or agreed upon. Money can become the battle ground on which other issues in the marriage are fought. Issues of power and control can ignite when the imbalance created by differing attitudes about money overwhelm the security of the relationship.
1.) How often do you fight with your partner about money?
2.) How often do you worry about finances?
3.) Do you find yourself checking up your spouse via credit card statements, balances without their knowing?
4.) Are your spending habits deceptive (i.e. hiding purchases, credit card bills, and other debts)?
5.) Do you know how much money you have in your checking and savings accounts?
6.) Have you sat down with your spouse and agreed on a financial plan, including short-term goals and budgeting?
Here are some best practices that we identified for couples who would like to improve their financial picture:
1.) Discuss purchases ahead of time. If you need a new television set (or think that you do), discuss this purchase beforehand. Don’t wait until it’s in the trunk of your car to let your spouse know you dipped into your joint account for something he or she may not have agreed to.
2.) Decide how much you will spend each month on incidentals outside your regularly budgeted bills. Identify what types of items and expenses are categorized as non-essentials.
3.) Determine under what circumstances you will use credit cards. Many spouses find that their partner has been charging excessively for items that he or she didn’t know about. No one wants to find out that they are on the line for another credit card that they didn’t know they had. Play fair.
4.) Agree as to how much of your income you will contribute to savings, spending, tuition, daycare and retirement savings.
5.) Review life insurance policies so that there is an understanding about how each of you will be cared for in the event that something should happen to one of you.
6.) Have a “mad money” fund that enables each of you to spend money that you don’t have to account for. Just make sure that this is an agreed upon amount.
7.) Make sure that you are able to agree to the plan. If you are harboring resentments, or feel that you’ve agreed to something unrealistic or unfair, you need to address those concerns openly.
When is it time to see a marriage counselor?
It might be time to see a marriage counselor when you and your spouse are not on the same page, despite your best efforts at communication. Should you find that you or your spouse repeatedly fail to live up to an agreed upon lifestyle and financial plan, or you are unable to come to an agreement, you most likely need the help of a professional to uncover emotional issues at the core of your marital money struggle.
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