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My husband doesn't talk to me anymore!
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As a marital and family therapist, I work with countless couples and individuals that report that one partner has almost completely shut-down and withdrawn from the relationship. Frequently, the silent treatment stems from the male half of the marital equation, since women by nature, tend to want to talk things out.
While it may be normal for a spouse or partner to periodically retreat from the relationship as a way to cope from stress, daily lack of communication is a sign that trouble is on the horizon.
So-what should you do? What you shouldn’t do is push the issue by attempting to engage your partner in conflict or discussion. Often this has the unintended consequence of further alienating your partner. Here a few helpful tips:
- Plan an activity that you and your spouse enjoy. Reconnecting while doing something physical or enjoying a mutual interest can be helpful in breaking the ice.
- Reinforce the positives in your relationship. Let your spouse or partner know those things about them that you appreciate. They will likely be more receptive when hearing that you need more active communication in your relationship.
- Bring up the communication issue when you are not in a heated argument and feel that your partner may be more willing to listen to you.
If you feel that repeated attempts to reconnect with your partner have failed, you may need to seek the help and guidance of a marriage counselor. A therapist can help determine whether or not a withdrawn partner is depressed, or simply unhappy in the relationship. Poor communication is often the beginning of marital breakdown and needs to be addressed.
Leslie Miller, LICSW
http://www.therapyontheweb.org
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