
Most chefs feel that the pig is the most noble animal in the food chain. The pig offers pork belly, pork tenderloin, pig ears, pig's feet, and oh yeah... bacon. And you can certainly do a lot of interesting things with lamb, many winning dishes in "Top Chef" finales were cooked with lamb. So when the contestants divided up into three teams last night and told to stick to one protein, I figured whoever got stuck with plain old chicken had an uphill battle. Not so.
First, Stefan triumphed in what was another in a long line of throwaway quickfires this season with a Baked Bean Soup with Spam and Grilled Cheese. The chefs were given an assortment of pantry staples with which to fashion a decent meal out of in fifteen minutes. This wasn't quite as lame as the second season quickfire that involved a vending machine (disgusted with the task, contestant Mike Midgeley fashioned a mound of chocolate out of which extended a lone Cheeto - kind of like a middle finger), but it was close.
After the chefs were divided up into their pork, lamb and chicken teams, they headed upstate to the Stone Barns Center For Food and Agriculture, a sort of Whole Foods on steroids, where the gardens are filled with technicolor produce and a barnyard full of organically raised farm animals await the slaughter. Despite his immunity, Stefan defiantly took charge of his team's menu, with Jamie fighting him every step of the way (these two are turning into a sitcom) as a horrified Carla retreated to making dessert. In almost every episode, Colicchio or some guest judge will prattle on about "simple food, good ingredients, executed well." I can think of no better recent example of this philosophy than what Stefan, Jamie and Carla churned out at Stone Barns: Stefan's Lemon Herb Whole Roasted Chicken, Jamie's Chicken Cutlets with fresh Corn and Baby Tomatoes and Carla's Nectarine and Strawberry Tart.
More than anything, poor butchering sunk the other teams, whether it was Jeff trimming too much fat off of his pork tenderloins or Ariane doing god knows what with her lamb. In the end, Ariane paid the price, and from the looks of her dish, deservedly so. Still, you have to wonder if Ariane's placement on a team with lovebirds Hosea and Leah didn't put her at a severe disadvantage, both in the kitchen and at judges' table. It certainly seemed like Ariane thought so - in her final interview, she called out Hosea for being a "wimp." I'll miss the Jersey girl.
A quick aside about the Hosea-Leah situation: it's getting creepy. I'm not talking about Hosea and Leah themselves, you get stuck in an apartment for two weeks with someone of the opposite sex that you find even mildly attractive, and something is likely to happen. I'm talking about the camera crew, and their around-the-corner, hiding-behind-furniture camera angles catching Hosea and Leah in their moments of (seemingly) private flirtation. Who's the director of photography here, Ted Bundy?
And finally, a word about the obviously unhinged Stefan. Through every season of "Top Chef," through many psycho personalities (ahem, Dale Talde), I've never actually been in fear of one of the chefs going postal and canceling the season with an ill-timed massacre. Well, I am now. That weird look in his eye, his sudden, herky-jerky movements, his brusque nature... Stefan fits the profile. Still, the singular way that he put the success or failure of his team on his shoulders in this episode - and won a clear victory - suggests that maybe he's not only the best chef on the show, but that he knows he's the best.