'Top Chef' episode 3 recap

Ariane finds redemption

"Race For The Prize" by the Flaming Lips has become the de facto winner in barroom arguments when it comes to "greatest drums in the modern era, dude." I always stand up for "Serve The Servants" by Nirvana. Seriously, listen to Dave Grohl on that song and tell you me you don't feel sorry for those drum skins. Ouch.

So anyway, Top Chef. These poor contestants get a chance to cook for Grant Achatz, a giant in the field of molecular gastronomy, as well as the aforementioned Grohl, and they have to use a microwave. Outside. In the rain.

The quickfire challenge, with Achatz serving as guest judge, involved the contestants drawing knives inscripted with page numbers from the new Top Chef recipe book. Ten minutes into cooking, the chefs were thrown a nasty curveball, told to instead use their respective ingredients for a soup. This curveball seemed to exist for the sole purpose of product-placement on behalf of "the Swanson family of soup broths," which is only worth mentioning in order to note its extreme tackiness. This was the kind of challenge that any chef should have been proud to lose. Boycott Swanson!

When all was said and done, soup specialist Jamie churned out another bowl of success (I've already tried her Chilled Sweet Corn Soup from last week... it's excellent and very easy, and since it's winter, I made it hot) with her Chick Pea Soup. But the winner was Leah's White Asparagus Soup, who seemed to have been given the toughest task with the much-hated ingredient, white asparagus.

Leah was then given immunity, as well as her pick of 6 chefs to form a team ("Team Sexypants"), while the 6 unpicked, somewhat humiliated chefs were forced to form the other team ("Team Cougar"). So early on, with circumstances and team names taken into consideration, we already knew who to root for. The two teams would compete in a Thanksgiving dinner competition, cooking for the judges, Achatz, and Grohl's band the Foo Fighters, with the winner getting to see the Foo at Blue Cross Arena in Rochester, while the losers had to clean the whole mess up.

Upon arrival at the arena, the chefs were shown their cooking area, which was outside, with no refrigerator, no freezer, and no stovetops. Just microwaves and toaster ovens. Later, it rained. This would make it especially hard to cook a protein, and the much beleaguered Ariane, who has barely escaped the knife for two straight weeks, was bizarrely (or perhaps, shrewdly... if you're on Team Cougar and you let Ariane screw up the main course, you're probably home free) put in charge of cooking the most important part of Thanksgiving dinner: the turkey.

Side note: For the first time this year, my family and I used the Willams-Sonoma Turkey Brine for our Thanksgiving turkey, and it was by far the best turkey that I have ever had. And no, they're not paying me to say that. 

Ariane stepped up big-time with her Orange Braised Turkey Breast. Good for her... honestly, I thought that she was probably a better chef than she had let on in the first two episodes. The ability to perform with a protein like turkey in a limited setting like this says a lot for Ariane, I'll bet that we won't see her in the bottom three again for several weeks. The other strong protein seemed to also come from Team Cougar, with Eugene using his MacGyver-like qualities to rig a smoker with an inverted pan to produce his smoked pork. Here's some bonus video from the episode where Colicchio expresses his admiration for Eugene's ability to think on his feet: 

Maybe I'm lazy, maybe I was half-drunk, but my notes show nothing about Team Sexypants' proteins.

As for side dishes, both teams seemed to have one standout: Radhika's Roasted Veggie Vegan Cornbread Stuffing was subtle, sophisticated, not to mention very popular for Team Sexypants (heretofore known as Team SP, I can't keep typing their full name, it's too painful), as was Alex's Macaroni and Cheese with Bacon for Team Cougar.

Dessert seemed to be where the competition was decided though, and that's where Team Cougar fell apart. They didn't put together one good dessert (though Carla's seemed passable), while Fabio's Pumpkin Tiramisu helped Team SP stand out at the end of the meal. Here's where things seemed to get weird.

Poor Richard made Banana S'mores as his dessert, complete with ill-advised vanilla foam (Grohl: "I think the S'mores guy spit on mine") and it earned him a trip to the executioner. I don't doubt that those s'mores were bad, but how was this enough to cost Team Cougar the victory? Honestly, it seems like Colicchio (who liked both proteins offered by Team Cougar) was overruled by Dave Grohl. Doesn't make much sense.

So we had one of those rare episodes where the celebrity guests seemed to hijack the fates of the contestants. At any rate, we were then treated to scenes of Fabio, Stefan, Leah, Melissa, Hosea and Radhika awkwardly rocking out to the Foo Fighters' brand of mediocre corporate rock (something I wouldn't be caught dead on camera doing) while Team Cougar washed dishes. For shame.