The ten worst things to say to your teen

September 26, 9:50 AMParenting Teens ExaminerDr. Neil Bernstein

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Much has been written about all the right things to say to your teen. It’s time to take a look at the other side of the coin. Following is a list ten inflammatory statements which are sure to anger and or distance your child from you. Beware of these zingers!

1. I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU THINK.  Dismissing your child’s thoughts and feelings will only discourage further dialogue. It’s a subtle put down which is not easily forgotten.
2. WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE…  Kids hate this one. They complain that they’re tired of hearing it and love to remind us that times have changed.
3. YOU REMIND ME OF YOUR MOTHER (FATHER) WHEN YOU ACT LIKE THAT.  This is a great way to put your teen smack in the middle of your issues. Spare them the burden please.
4. WE DON'T TALK ABOUT DRUGS OR DRINKING IN THIS HOUSE.   Well-intentioned comment but—research shows that discussing drugs and alcohol with your children is an integral part of prevention.
5. YOU'RE TOO YOUNG TO UNDERSTAND.  Teens hate to be left out. Best to find a way to explain things to them in age appropriate fashion.
6. BECAUSE I SAID SO, THAT'S WHY. The age of blind obedience is long gone. It’s important to tell kids the reasons for your rules and expectations. Give and take dialogue encourages further conversation.
7. IT'S YOUR FAULT THAT I'M UNHAPPY.  Guilt and blame rarely change behavior in the way we would like. Try to take some responsibility for how you’re feeling.
8. YOU'LL NEVER AMOUNT TO ANYTHING.  Be careful.  Kids remember statements like this for years to come. Sure, you have reason to be upset, but put downs do not motivate behavior change.
9. WHY CAN'T YOU BE MORE LIKE YOUR BROTHER (OR SISTER)?  If you’re trying to fuel sibling rivalry, this is the way to go. Otherwise, try to compare kids to themselves (use past behavior or future capabilities) and not to others.
10. SUCK IT UP.  If your teens are hurt or upset, don’t shut the door. Allow them the opportunity to ventilate. They’ll appreciate the listening ear, compassion, and shoulder to lean on.