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Looser reins for the college bound?

Every year around this time recent high school graduates across the country declare their independence from their parents. Their refrain sounds something like this: Look mom and dad, I’m eighteen now and I don’t need a curfew anymore. You know almost everyone drinks in college anyway, so what’s the point of arguing about it.  I’m not stupid, you know, so why can’t you just trust me?

 

This is one tough issue for parents. On one hand, we know there’s some truth to what they say, but on the other, we worry about their readiness. The kids view summer as a sort of training camp for college, but how does one decide where to draw the line? Do we shrug our shoulders and assume there’s nothing we can do, or say “sorry, you’re still not in college and as long as you live in our house, you’ll follow the rules—and that means a 1:00 pm curfew and no drinking”.

 

If your child has been responsible through his high school years and plays by the rules, you can rest easier. Loosen the reins a bit and tell him or her that you want them to enjoy college.   But remind them that they’ve not reached the legal drinking age and you’ll trust them to do the right thing. On the other hand, if your kid has been pushing the envelope recently (drinking regularly and breaking curfew), you’ll have to point out that he’s not ready for complete freedom yet and still needs to earn your trust in the last two months. And while you certainly can’t control what he does in college, you’re not caving in now and condoning his behavior. Do remind him that he’ll have a pretty short stay there if you get a phone call from the school authorities that he’s been cited for public intoxication or other violations.