Moorad vs. other agents? It's a movie come true

The Clint Eastwood stare is very effective.

I was a little disappointed when I found out Jeff Moorad would not be directly involved in contract negotiations. Owners usually don't do that, my dad said. Instead, the negotiations will continue to be handled by GM Kevin Towers and CEO Sandy Alderson. Come to think of it, I was a lot disappointed. Because the idea of a former sports superagent facing off against current agents and their clients sounded like too much fun. I wanted a cloak of invisibility like Harry Potter has so I could sneak in the room when contract negotiations were under way and just watch.

Moorad would sit behind his desk, and the player and his agent would face them, and they'd do a little back and forth, until the agent tried to pull a negotiating trick that only agents know in order to shift the advantage to his client. And Moorad would stare at the agent and say, "Are you kidding me? I mean, are you (deleted) kidding me? I made this (deleted) industry. Without me, you wouldn't be here. Don't think you can come in here and (deleted) with me," Jimmy Conway style.

And if he were really smooth, he'd then crack a joke that only agents would get, and they'd laugh, and the player would laugh too, because he didn't want to feel left out, and then he'd offer a concession that wasn't nearly what the player was hoping for, but made him feel like he'd won something. He'd get the Padres bargain deals without earning them a reputation as cheapskates.

Or, for those squeamish about Moorad swearing at players and agents during contract negotiations, I offer this alternative scenario. He walks into the room dressed like Morpheus. Without removing his trenchcoat or sunglasses, he sits behind his desk, clasps his hands, and says, "Please, have a seat. We need to talk."

Because Moorad is an old pro. Heck, he might be able to intimidate some upstart agents just with the Clint Eastwood stare, reminding them that they wouldn't slip anything by him. I suppose it makes sense for Towers and Alderson to continue handling these things. No sense in the new Padres owner meddling too much. But the idea of two agents squaring off is too entertaining for me to let go entirely. You can have your reality. I'll keep my movie character scenarios.