Are you unknowingly dating a married man who's cheating on his wife?

August 14, 8:41 AMInfidelity ExaminerRuth Houston

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If you’re a single woman looking for a committed relationship, the last thing you want is to find out is that you’re dating a married man who’s cheating on his wife.

Yet one study found that almost 20% of women are unknowingly dating married men.

Could you be one of these unsuspecting women?

How certain are you about the marital status of the man you’re dating? Do you know for sure that he’s single? Studies show that 1 in 5 men claim to be single when they're not.

Dating Deception is Common

According to MSNBC, research shows that 1/3 of people using online dating services are married.

One private investigator estimated that approximately 40 % of the men online are misrepresenting themselves in some way.

Despite the fact that there are websites specifically for married men who want to cheat, many cheating husbands still troll chat rooms and online dating sites in search of unsuspecting single women on whom to prey.

But dating deception is not just confined to the internet. It occurs in offline social settings too.

Online and offline, married men frequently masquerade as single men.

A surprising number of the men you meet at clubs, bars, parties and in other social settings, are married -- not single, as they claim to be.

Many men have no qualms about cheating on their mates. If you’re looking for a serious relationship, these are the types of men you want to avoid.

So before you get too involved with any man, you need to check him out. You certainly don’t want to find out after you’ve given him your heart, that you were duped into dating a married man who’s cheating on his wife.

There are several ways you can check him out.

Ask

One way to find out his marital status is to simply ask. If you have doubts about him, you could just come right out and ask him he’s married or currently in a committed relationship.

But if he’s trying to pass himself off as a bachelor, he’s not likely to tell you the truth.

However, his body language, when he answers, will tell you if he has something to hide. Does he shift his eyes, clear his throat, touch his nose or earlobe, hesitate for a split second, or exhibit other body language which indicates he’s telling a lie?

Try the Driver’s License Trick

You could also try the driver’s license trick. Start a conversation or make an offhand comment about photos, and how bad driver’s license photos usually look. Take out your driver’s license and in a playful or a joking manner ask to see his, and watch how he reacts. If he gets defensive, fails to see the humor in it, and makes all kinds of excuses for why he can’t show it to you, then you’ll know he has something to hide.

If you do manage get a look at his license, casually take note of his first and last name, and verify that his name is what he told you it was. Also make a mental note of his address. This information will come in handy later on.

Run a Background Check

You don’t have to hire a private investigator to find out if he’s who he claims to be. There are other ways to find out if he’s married, or if he has something even more sinister to hide.

One way to do this is to run an online background check. Believe it or not, you can do this discreetly, inexpensively, and from the privacy of your own home. All you need is a computer or laptop with internet access. And unless you choose to tell him, he’ll never know you checked him out.

Just make sure you use a reliable service. (CheatingSpouseBackground Check.com is one that I recommend.) For less than the price of a new pair of shoes or a designer haircut, you can find out his real name, age, and marital status, and any aliases he may have used, past marriages or divorces, what property, businesses, or vehicles he owns, whether he has any liens, tax debts, judgments or bankruptcies, and if he has a criminal background he’s trying to conceal.

A reputable online background check service like www.CheatingSpouseBackgroundCheck.com will give you access to public records, including court records and criminal records which contain any or all of this information and more, depending on how much you want to know. All you need to check him out is his first and last name. (Use the driver’s license trick, mentioned above.)

If the background check reveals any discrepancies in what he’s told you about himself, or uncovers important information that he’s chosen to conceal (deep in debt, sex predator or other, criminal background) , your best bet is to move on and not get involved. Invest your time, attention, and emotions on someone else. Congratulations on having saved yourself from a lot of hurt, humiliation and heartbreak down the road.

Be Alert for Telltale Signs

Married men pretending to be single often give clues about their true marital status without realizing what they have done. Keep your eyes and ears open for telltale signs. Knowing what to look for is the key.

The 6 signs below are clues that he might be married or in a committed relationship:

• He won’t give you his home number. You can only call him on his cell phone or at work. You have no way of contacting him at home.
• He calls you at odd times – very in the early morning or in the wee hours of the night.
• He’s unavailable on weekends, holidays, or other times when his family might be around.
• He’s overly secretive about his family and friends.
• He won’t give you his home address or tell you exactly where he lives.
• When he opens his wallet to pay the check, you catch sight of a family portrait with wife and kids.

The 6 telltale signs above are taken from a free tip sheet entitled “20 Signs You Might Be Dating a Married Man.” It provides guidelines on how to tell the fake bachelors from the genuinely single men. To get a FREE copy of this tip sheet with all 20 signs, send an e-mail to InfidelityInfo@gmail.com with “married man-Xm” in the subject line.

Copyright 2009 Ruth Houston

Ruth Houston is a New York-based infidelity expert who is frequently called on by the media to comment on infidelity issues in the news. She is the author of Is He Cheating on You? - 829 Telltale Signs, the founder of InfidelityAdvice.com and blogs at Infidelity News and Views.

For more info: 

Other Cheating Spouse Resources That Can Help You Check Out Your Date

Is He Cheating on You? - 829 Telltale Signs

Is He Cheating? Is She Cheating? – 21 Ways You Can Tell (free tip sheet)

13 Things Everyone Should Know about Signs of Infidelity

FREE Infidelity Tip Sheets and Special Reports