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The importance of approval and encouragement

January 16, 12:04 AMDallas Parenting ExaminerChristy Coffman
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Rejection is a difficult concept for children to grasp.  To be rejected is an assault to their own sense of self-worth.  Children thrive on approval, acceptance and love.  No child, or adult, ever wants to feel unliked or unloved. 

As parents, we need to continuously remind ourselves of the value of communicating to our children their own special values.  It is important that they understand how important and valuable they are to God, their family, to society and to our world.  They need to know that they have something very special and unique to contribute on this earth.

Take a few minutes and think about the conversations you've had with your child today.  Now, add up the times the conversations were centered around instruction.  How many around correction? Discouragement?  Okay, now add up the times you focused on encouragement, approval and acceptance.  The ratio might really surprise you.

It is important that parents consciously use positive and encouraging phrases, as often as possible, when communicating with their children.  There can be amazing results in the positive effect of such encouragement on your children's actions and dispositions.  Parents should continually seek out opportunities to encourage their children.  Use such phrases as : "good for you", "I'm impressed", "wonderful job!", "your smile lights up the room", "I knew you could do it!", "I thank God for you each day", "I'm so proud of you", "I love you".  Give appropriate praise.  Be specific about what your child did to deserve the positive feedback.Create your own special expressions and use them often.  Imagine the years ahead and the effect such encouraging words can have on your child, your relationship with your child, your child's relationships with other people and your child's feelings on his/her own self-worth.

In this day and age, the world can be a very mean and intimidating place that will assault your child with criticism and rejection every chance that it gets.  The memory of your approval and encouragement might be just what your child needs during the critical moments to stand tall and proud.

 

Sources:  Parents Magazine, 12/08 "Let Your Child Soar" and BSF Int'l, "Thumbs Up! Expressing Approval" - 12/94

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