Christoper Columbus: 1492 ways to break the law

October 12, 7:50 AMAlbuquerque True Crime ExaminerJonathan Miller

Previous Next

Comment Print Email RSS Subscribe

Subscribe

Get alerts when there is a new article from the Albuquerque True Crime Examiner. Read Examiner.com's terms of use.

Email Address   Include other special offers from Examiner.com Terms of Use

Insert photo caption or credit here

It is Columbus Day, so we will do 500 words or so on Columbus…the filmmaker. Yes, there is another Christopher Columbus, no relation  to the sailor. This Columbus had some involvement in almost 1492 films, many, many of which touch on the law.

Columbus got his start as a writer of Gremlins back in 1984. When Billy, played by a forgtten actor, bought the cuddly little Gremlins, he was given some rules on their care. The only rule I can remember is never to feed them after midnight which he fails at. Like dogs, gremlins would have the "one bite" rule. Your gremlins could bite someone once. Well, these gremlins bit more than that. For that, Billy was criminally negligent --the proximate cause of all the destruction. The old guy who sold them would be crimiinally negligent as well for selling to someone as easily duped as Billy. The original importers of Gremlins from China (?) would face smuggling charges as well. Christmas is coming up, and Gremlins are not an appropriate gift.

Columbus’s first directorial effort was Adventures in Babysitting, but his first huge hit had no babysitting whatsoever as it was Home Alone in 1990. Mackenzie Culkin – back before his drug problems and Michael Jackson--had to fend off his attackers played by Joe Pesci and Daniel Stern. He set up various traps that seriously maimed Joe Pesci so badly that the once amusing mobster from Goodfellas career never really recovered. Some of Macauley's pranks could easily have gone dangerously awry. As a minor, his parent’s could possibly have liability, even to trespassers. However, if someone delivering the mail or a pizza had slipped and fell, it could have been even more serious. The parents probably also could face child abandonment charges, but let’s face it, no one would see a movie called Home Supervised.

Robin Williams starred in Mrs. Doubtfire where he dressed up in drag to pretend to be his kids’ nanny. First, Mrs. Doubtfire pretended to be Scottish, thus the employer would have to check the immigration status. Again, he would be doing caretaking without a license-- a misdemeanor. There would also be Robin's fraud in obtaining the contract. Presumably he made enough money so that it would be a felony. If the kids had been harmed in any way, Robin would have all kinds of child abuse charges.  So next time you hire a nanny, check to see if they are wearing a wig.

Columbus’s most successful directorial efforts were the first two Harry Potter films. As a muggle, its fun to imagine having Harry’s powers, and I certainly don’t want to offend Harry’s millions of fans. Harry’s wand could be a deadly weapon, just waving the wand could be assault. If you are an innocent bystander, and hit by a spell you certainly could sue. I would recommend suing in a Muggle court however.

Columbus’s most recent directorial effort was this year’s I love You Beth Cooper. Unfortunately, no one loved the movie.

Unlike his famous namesake, Columbus hasn’t really explored new territory with his filmmaking. Still by discovering the films of Columbus, we do discover a bit about America.