'Punisher: War Zone' review: They invented alcohol for movies like this

December 5, 5:14 PMLong Island Movie ExaminerMichael DePalma

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Ray Stevenson is Frank Castle in Punisher: War Zone
Image Copyright © 2008 Lionsgate

In his quest to punish the corrupt, Frank Castle (Ray Stevenson, HBO's "Rome") kills an undercover FBI agent (thinking he was just some nameless mafia muscle) and deforms the vain gangster Billy Russoti (Dominic West, HBO's "The Wire").  Castle becomes disillusioned and tries to make amends with the agent's wife (Julie Benz, Showtime's "Dexter") and daughter, but realizes he must finish the fight when Russoti returns as Jigsaw with every intention of killing the rat's family.

There's only two other things you need to know about this movie:

1. This is not a direct sequel to the 2004 movie with Thomas Jane, and
2. Before you see this movie, preferably at night when the theaters would be crowded, gather up friends, choose a designated driver(s), and get everybody else loaded.

This isn't a movie that you judge like other movies.  This is Commando.  This is Hard to Kill.  This is Rambo: First Blood Part II.  This is Road House.  Are you getting the point yet?  While not as eminently quotable as the previous movies I listed, this is a guy movie; you don't even try to defend it as a legitimate film, because as a legitimate film, it's rubbish. (Not that all guy movies don't work as legitimate films - Die Hard, for instance, is one of the greatest action movies ever made because the dramatic arcs work as well as the set pieces.)  It's explosions and gore set to kickin' music*, coupled with mediocre-to-bad dramatic writing and acting.  If this movie has any flaw, it's that the emotional side of the movie - Castle getting to know and becoming protective of the remaining members of the Donatelli family - is way too overwrought and bogs down the movie with unnecessary weight.  (It might not be felt as much if Benz, who does a decent job on Dexter, didn't shout her way through a haphazardly written role.)

Otherwise, this movie is very satisfying.  It's ironic that Lexi Alexander's second feature film (her first was the fantastic if divisive Green Street Hooligans) would be called a guy movie, until you learn that she's a former World Karate and Kickboxing Champion - she even claims that Chuck Norris wanted to turn her into "the female Jean Claude Van Damme", which is why she settled into Hollywood in the first place.  Eventually she realized, well, she hates Chuck Norris's movies and she hates most martial arts movies.

And as a filmmaker, she may get stuck on certain action movie clichés (for example, the ever popular gang of armed men walking towards the camera in slow motion), but if her idea of a good action movie involves skulls being blown and broken apart like they were made of paper maché and red Gak, people getting vaporized by RPGs, and lots and lots of Verhoven-style squibs for bullet hits, well, screw Chuck Norris.  (Granted, you can point to the source material and say that this level of violence was required for a Punisher movie, but it's not like a studio is always interested in honoring the source material.)

The opening in December is fortunate, because this is a great release valve for guys during the end of the year buildup of heavy prestige pictures.  Slumdog Millionaire emphasizes an engrossing, rousing story.  War Zone doesn't seem to care about its story doing anything except giving Frank Castle an excuse to cut a gross, rousing swath through the New York underworld.  The Reader has an interest in morally complex characters with many different layers.  War Zone has an interest in the many different ways a character's complex human form can be physically wrecked.  Australia is an old-school style epic with a quasi-magical twist.  War Zone's body count is epic, with some kills adding up when heads are twisted too far in one direction.  I could go all night.

But frankly, you shouldn't even be reading this review.  You know from the commercials if this is your kind of movie or not, the only question you ever had was if the action scenes are fun to watch or not.  Well, you should have your answer by now.  Call up your buddies and set a time.  Don't forget your favorite beer.