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In a weird situation with a friend
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AP Photo: Mark J. Terrill
Dear, Cini
Back in November, I met this guy online and we went out on a date. Then we went on a few more dates. And we made out a little, and I thought he liked me because he asked me to dinner with his family and then we all played games, which was nice. But then we stopped talking for a few months. Then about a month ago we started talking again. Well I guess I told him that I didn’t want a relationship (My mistake I know), but I was trying to get with this other guy. So when it didn’t work out with this other guy, I called my friend up to hang. Well, we ended up having sex, which was good. LOL. I didn’t think that it meant anything because he had wanted to do it when we first dated but I said no. Then, that night he asks me if I want to go with him and his family to the lake the next day. I said no (Again, my mistake). So, I come to find out, he has a gf or "maybe". So, I asked him, "What does that make me?" He responds by saying that I already told him I didn’t want a relationship. So I tell him that I do and I like him. I asked him if he likes me he says as a friend. I’m not sure why. It could be because he doesn’t know me well enough yet to see that I am fun and funny. Or, does he feel I’m not interest because I didn’t want to hang with his family. Or, maybe I need to dress sexier. Obviously he is attracted to me enough to want to sleep with me. So, anyway, should I try and be more than friends with him? I know its long, but I said it was a weird situation.
Signed, In a weird situation
Dear, In a weird situation
It’s important to know what you want from any relationship before getting involved. If all you want is someone to hang out with, then only hang out with guys who are looking for the same thing. You mentioned, “I come to find out, he has a gf, or “maybe”. The important question concerning that is, “Did he have a girlfriend when he was spending time talking with you and when you were having sex? That would be the defining point of his character. If he did, he’s a cheater and you should steer clear of him. If he didn’t become exclusive with this girl until after you rejected him, then he did what he should have done and moved on with his life.
Don’t start thinking that you may not be fun or funny enough for him to have more of an interest in you or that you might need to dress sexier to draw his attention back to you. If he has a girlfriend, respect yourself, him, and his relationship and go on with your life. Keep yourself busy with your friends and do activities that interest you.
Most importantly, men don’t view sex the same way as most women do. Most women begin to get more emotionally attached to a man once they’ve had sex and can start thinking that the act meant more to the man than it actually did. Sometimes, he just wants to have sex and is looking for someone who is willing. I am not implying that this is the situation with you and he, I am just pointing out the differences in how men and women view sexual intercourse.
Also, while most men will only take a woman around his family if he thinks that the relationship could grow into something more permanent, but since you and he did not know each other long or very well, don’t assume that meeting his family was some sort of sign.
Signed, Cini
E-mail your question or dilemma to valcinebrown@yahoo.com
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