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Know your goals before dating and share them
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AP Photo: John Froschauer
Often people can get caught up in a dating relationship that spirals in a direction much different than what they had intended. For instance, a guy who is looking for a wife dates a woman for months only to find out that she just wants to go out for dinner and movies and wants to finish school before she will even consider getting married. Or perhaps, a woman who wants to find a husband spends seven months dating a man only to find out that he never wants to get married.
In this day and age of text messages, cell phones, and long distance relationships, sometimes the very basics of communication where people spend time getting to know one another talking about their plans, hopes, and dreams, are often forfeited for living in the fast here and now. Time is much too valuable an asset to waste and squander frivolously. I say, talk. Really talk. Take time to assess where a person is headed with their lives and what their goals are before you waste time, energy, and emotion.
When my husband and I were dating, he made it clear to me that he planned on completing another ten years with the USMC and that would most likely mean deployments. I honestly told him that I would have to think about what that would mean and entail before I made the decision to continue seeing him. It only took me a few days to realize that my life would be happier and more fulfilled with him in it, even if that mean deployments to Iraq or Afghanistan. Needless to say, he was very pleased to hear that and we were married less than a year later.
However, the life of a military wife is not for everyone. It takes a strong woman to hold the fort down while her man is away for months at a time. Women who choose to marry warriors, soldiers, policemen, doctors, etc. should be realistic and sure that they understand the sacrifices that that life will require before embarking upon that journey.
And please, please, please, don't try to change a person into someone that they are not. If you find you are dating someone on a completely opposite plain than yourself, think about it before continuing the relationship. You don’t date and sleep with a bear hoping that one day you will wake up and it will be a cute, cuddly, little, kitty cat.
Signed, Cini
E-mail your questions and/or dilemma to valcinebrown@yahoo.com
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