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The Top-10 Don’ts of Dating... According to Nicolas!
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Grace & Nicolas Roquefort-Villeneuve
If you are a woman, you’d better not…
10. Keep on asking the waiter about each single item on the menu simply because you are waiting for your date to say, “Order whatever you want, it is my treat.”
9. Share that you admire the way Nancy Pelosi emasculates all these Congressmen at the House of Representatives.
8. Tell him how much he reminds you of your father and four brothers.
7. Take pride in saying that you only kiss after the third date.
6. Wear any Laura Ashley attire.
5. Hide the lesbian experience you had during your college years, which your male roommate filmed...
4. … Then say that you lost the VHS tape…
3. Take out of your purse your checklist and update it as soon as he’s putting another bite in his mouth.
2. Take his hands and answer, “I do” each time he asks you a question.
1. Freak out, get up and scream, “Oh my God, I forgot to take my Valtrex* today!”
[* Genital herpes medicine]
If you are a man, you really should not…
10. Say, “This Joe Jackson really knew how to handle those eight kids. What an inspiration!”
9. Chew tobacco, spit it out and proudly say, “Hey, I am Derek Jeter’s number one fan!” **
8. Think for a second that you look hip, wearing your vintage turquoise blazer jacket with shoulder pads. Simon Le Bon would still today look hot in it today… not you!
7. Believe her when she says she absolutely loves all your hobbies and is dying to meet your friends and spend time with them.
6. Say, “Thanks God I do not live in Washington DC… Did you know that the only sexual position which is legal in this state is the missionary position?”***
5. Feel very uncomfortable each time she grabs a pickle and takes a bite.
4. Lose track of the conversation because you are computing how much what she has ordered will cost you...
3. Attempt to rub your foot on her legs, so you can get more clarity around splitting the bill or not.
2. Refer to any of the restraining orders your exes have against you. Instead, surprise her!
1. Slip and say, “That’s so wild! My wife thinks the exact same way!”
** If you live Down-Under: Drink off the bottle, burp, throw up and proudly say, “I am Jimmy Cowan’s number one fan!”
** If you live in Europe: Insult the maitre d’, scream at the waiters and proudly say, “I am Wayne Rooney’s number one fan!”
*** True fact.
Grace & Nicolas Roquefort-Villeneuve
contactus@readytochoose.com
www.readytochoose.com
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