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Sadie talks to sex bloggers about Compersion - Part Four
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I've been speaking to my fellow sex-bloggers about compersion these last few weeks. Compersion is "the experience of taking pleasure that one's partner is experiencing pleasure, even if the source of their pleasure is other than yourself."
Part four in my series is a chat with the relationship coach over at Miss Polyamory. Here are her thoughts on compersion ~
Compersion is an interesting concept to me, because in general, in everyday life, that my partners have other loves does not necessarily make me feel something like genuine pleasure. Instead, I feel more of a nuetral or “standard” happy feeling, like that would be the most normal thing in my world for a partner to have other partners. For me, compersion just happened. I was in a 3-way, MFF triad, and I did experience compersion, as you describe it, but not immediately. The first time with the three of us was an exploration of excitement and "how do we do this?" There were thoughts of "do we each compare?" as well as feelings of awkwardness, which we discussed later and felt better about.
The compersion came during subsequent triad lovemaking. Then, I was really able to see the level of love and intimacy between the two of them. I was filled with a feeling I never had before. It was the feeling like I feel for my children when I feel how much I dearly love them. They described similar feelings as well.
Do your partners feel compersion in regards to you and your relationships with each of them?
Currently, I am not in a relationship. In the past, I think partners were happy that I was happy, but not sure about the level of compersion, besides the above relationship.
I personally don't believe that compersion is necessary for the success of an open relationship, but agree with Tristan Taormino, who says that it can "enhance" a relationship. What is your opinion?
In my experience, I do not need to have compersion to have successful relationships, as my usual feeling is that neutral or standard happy feeling, which may not fit the definition of compersion.
However, what I will say is that in my experience, compersion does deepen and yes, “enhance” the feelings amongst partners in a multiple-person polyamorous relationship (triad or more), or probably in an open relationship.
To me, any time you acknowledge and allow positive feelings to flow, you deepen your relationships and your experiences. It may take some time to get used to it. When we allow ourselves to share and express happiness, it gets to be second nature; well, actually … our true nature.
Visit Miss Polyamory for tips on new ways of relating, as well as other helpful resources at Miss Polyamory.
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