Swinging as an open relationship

July 7, 11:02 AMAustin Open Relationships ExaminerSadie Smythe

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So, are you two swingers, then?                               

This is a question I often get when others learn that my husband and I have an open marriage. 

Swinging is what Tristan Taormino author of Opening Up; A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships, calls a specific "style" of an open relationship. There are many different ways (or styles) of having an open relationship, yet swinging is probably the most well known.

Swinging has been around for centuries but modern-day swinging has been said to have originated in military communities in the 50's which then spread to the suburbs by the time the free-love counterculture movement of the 60's rolled around. Key parties and wife-swapping were part of the societal vernacular back then. And however hushed the dialogue was in mixed-company settings, swinging was certainly garnering media attention. 

And although it never fully died down, swinging seems to be making a resurgence in the last several years, with websites like this one dedicated to finding swing partners to swinger's clubs like Allure Austin which are specifically designed for couples to meet and play with other like-minded couples in a safe and controlled setting. These resources allow swinging couples the opportunity to disclose their lifestyle (to which swinging is referred- The Lifestyle) to a wider pool of people than they would be able to in ordinary settings. 

Swinging works really well for couples who are aroused at the thought of, hearing about or watching their partner in a sexual situation with someone else. There are many people who find these situations erotic and pleasurable and those that do may chose swinging as an outlet for experimentation as well as an opportunity to spice up their sex life. And just like any style of open marriage, the swinging subset is as diverse as the people who practice it. Swingers usually set guidelines that work specifically for them as a couple. For instance, one couple might "play" with other couples but with the caveat that there be no penile penetration, also known as a "soft swap". Others might specify that they play together only in the same room. Others may determine that a "full swap", or intercourse acceptable, situation is what works for them but only if they are in separate rooms. In some instances, only one of the partners is non-monogamous, but the one who doesn't partake physically does enjoy watching their partner interact sexually with someone else. 

And the variations go on and on and on. 

My husband and I do not identify as swingers but that is not to say that we haven't participated in the lifestyle on occasion or are averse to dabbling in it in the future. What works best for us right now is having partners separate of each other. We call it "doing our own thing". But the times we have played with other couples or attended swingers clubs have definitely been fun. And the burgeoning swinging community is rich with a diverse group of people who are open-minded and spiritedly fun and who do what works well for them and their relationships.

In my opinion swingers by definition have open relationships. But not all people in open relationships are necessarily swingers.

The choice to swing or not to swing is, as they say, up to them.