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Boston Adoptive Families Examiner

Is Halloween too scary?

October 28, 6:43 PMBoston Adoptive Families ExaminerKerstin Lochrie
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Maybe it's too scary...
Maybe it's too scary...
Courtesy of Microsoft ClipArt

In just a few short days it will be every kid’s second favorite holiday; Halloween. What could be better than dressing up as your favorite character and going from house to house begging for candy? Then, the bonanza: you get to come home with all that candy and bribe your parents into letting you eat it!

But for some kids, Halloween is a holiday to be feared. Many of our adopted children find the trauma of costumes, scary witch sounds and skeletons too overwhelming. It causes a sort of paralysis in these children.

Many adopted children – particularly those from Eastern European orphanages – have never developed object permanency. As defined in Wikipedia, it is ‘the understanding that objects continue to exist even when they cannot be seen, heard, or touched’.

Jean Piaget, Swiss psychologist and philosopher, first developed the theory when studying small children. He argued that it was one of an infant’s most important accomplishments. Without object permanence, he believed, objects would have no separate, permanent existence.

Children who have not developed the concept of object permanence panic every time a parent leaves the room. They fear the parent is never coming back.

When another child puts on a mask, the child becomes that character. Children who have not developed a concept of object permanence fear that the mask of Godzilla really turns their brother or sister into Godzilla. They freeze, so totally engrossed are they in their fear.

An easy way to tell if your child is too frightened to partake of Halloween is with the child’s favorite toy and a washcloth. Show the toy to the child. Get him interested in it, whether it is a ball or a Nintendo DS. Then, have the child turn his back to you for a second. Take the washcloth and put it over the toy.

When your child turns around, watch his eyes. Do his pupils suddenly dilate? Does his breathing become shallow? Does his face register fear at the loss of his toy?

If you answered yes to these questions, chances are your child isn’t ready for Halloween.
Maybe this year would be a good year to stay at home and have your child help you hand out the candy.
 

More About: Adoption · children · loss · grief

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