Is it OK to grab a girl and kiss her whether she wants you to or not?

October 19, 11:14 AMWaterville Dating Advice ExaminerKaren Hardison

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Is it OK to grab a girl and kiss her whether she wants you to or not?

Is it OK to grab a girl for a first kiss? Do you mean like Brian Kelley (Simon Baker) grabbed Kenya McQueen (Sanaa Lathan) in Something New (Sanaa Hamri, 2006)? No it isn't. It is the aggressive side of coercion to grab a girl and kiss her like Brian Kelly did in Something New. It's not OK to do.

There are what I call three styles of first kiss. They are The Willing Captive, The Can I... and The Aggressor. Brian Kelly perfectly demonstrates The Aggressor and though it may look like fun, it is not OK.

But, you say, it has such good results. Look at Kenya McQueen in Something New. She tried something new afterward...and liked it. Let's take a closer look at those results and see how they occur.

The Du Mai is one of the eight Traditional Chinese Medicine acupuncture channels that are called "Psychic Channels." The Du Mai Channel has a profound psychological affect upon cognition and individuality.

The Du Mai—also called the Governing Vessel due in part to its governance over cognition and individuality—begins at the top lip, extends over the head and continues down the center of the spine. En route, the Governing Vessel passes through the acupuncture spot between the eyebrows that some people use in the practice of hypnosis, which is involved in the hypnotic effect of kissing. Since a kiss activates the Du Mai, a kiss—whether a wanted kiss or not—links into your cognition and personality.

But besides this, aggression toward us preoccupies our thoughts and feelings after it occurs. No one has any trouble in understanding why a person continues to think about an aggressor in such situations as an abusive sibling or a mugging or an antagonistic bully at school. In these scenarios no one suggests, "Oh, you're still thinking about the aggressor because you're secretly in love with that person." We all understand that the aggressor stays in our thoughts because violence is unsettling, disruptive and unnerving. We understand that it takes a while, sometimes a long while, to rise above the disruption stemming from suffering the personal violence of aggression.

It is only when the aggression takes the form of The Aggressor kiss that we get confused and think that our obsessive thoughts are because we are fond of the person or even in love with the aggressor. This is the very situation that Sanaa Lathan as Kenya McQueen portrays (whether intentionally or not) in Something New. Had Kenya known that her obsessive thoughts about Brian Kelley were a combination of the effects of the Governing Vessel—hypnotically governing psychology and individuality—and the psychological preoccupation always produced by aggression, she might have been able to take different courses of action, stay her course and maintain her own individuality. After all, Dr. Brockton (Russell Hornsby) is a great guy and one who could enjoy the finer things that Kenya loves along with her. [And since when is it a deficiency in a man to be a gentleman? (Oh yeah. Since the 1960s.)]

The Aggressor kiss takes unfair and unscrupulous advantage. And those who give in to it (from either side of it) should beware: The hypnotic affect wares off and the kiss-ee “comes to” in about five to six years, just in time to substantiate current divorce court statistics.