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As each school year began during my son’s elementary school days, I waited in worry for the same question he asked every September, “Mom, will you be the Room Parent ?”
My mother had never been a room parent and, as a child, they appeared to me to be cheery, book-smart, sensibly dressed women who looked like they could bake from scratch and knew their way around a garden. All things my mother, however wonderful, was not! In my narrow view of the world, I imagined their kids were very lucky and fast-tracked for academic success. Many decades later, as a post-professional, older first time parent, I had, unlike my own mother, thrown myself into all my son’s activities with zeal. I knew about the perils of being an over-involved mother, but I found myself ushered along with the behavior of my contemporaries as we now channeled our excellent managerial skills into "THE PTA"!
I had visions of bringing in freshly baked cupcakes and reading, lovingly, to small groups of children imparting the thrill of books and smiling beatifically at their wondrous and precociously insightful commentary. Instead, I was conscripted to the teacher’s workroom with mounds of papers that needed to be copied, sorted, bound, reformatted, laminated, re-sized, or some terrorizing combination of the above. To make matters worse, those pitiable teachers who had no volunteers to carry their water had authorization to bump parents off the copier, which meant an appointment to spend an hour or two at school usually evolved into an entire morning. Nonetheless, I was pleased to be making my little contribution and took satisfaction in the knowledge my endeavors were essential to the war effort of modern day public education. What I hadn’t counted on was my apparently unchecked need for approval and the fact that I had never in my life been able to draw a straight line or cut neatly.
Now, after Room Parenting for 6 years, I've learned a few things, and it seems only fair to pass these lessons along.
- It’s not a good idea to become a room parent unless you feel fairly sure your child will get along well with the teacher and you are getting your approval needs met elsewhere. If the teacher uses your volunteer time for an informal "conference" about little Sally or Joey, then politely ask him/her for a convenient time to schedule a meeting. Similarly, don't use your volunteer time as a chance to conference about your child. When in the classroom, you're there for everyone.
- Think about how your youngster will handle having you in the classroom.Most kids adore having their Mom or Dad there, but some will become clingy, anxious or really test limits. Think about what is best for your child.
- It doesn’t matter one bit whether your margins are neat and tidy as a row of cabbages. Most teachers are thrilled to have someone help them and appreciate whatever assistance you can provide. Be honest when you don't know how to do something and don't hesitate to ask for help.
- Your life will be so much more enjoyable if you have some idea what the equipment is for and how to use it. Ask for help. Get someone in the office to give you an orientation or insist the teacher do it.
- Meet with your classroom teacher early, and often. Don’t be shy. Teachers need their room parents and will appreciate your efforts.If your teacher hasn't suggested an orientation meeting by the second week of school, email him/her and ask for one. They may just gotten distracted by transition issues.
- Don’t miss meetings or other commitments. What distressed teachers the most was parents who volunteered and then didn’t show up. Arrive on time, or even a little early, to get organized. The classroom is the teacher's office, and it's important to respect that.
- Don't ever, and I mean ever, gossip about any of the students. This was the number one reason teachers cited as the reason they discontinued using volunteers in their classrooms. Just ask yourself how you would feel if it was your child. When you volunteer in the classroom, consider yourself a professional and act accordingly.
- Room parenting is a job for someone who likes to delegate. If you have trouble asking others to help, communicating regularly and reminding people about their tasks, or aren’t good at organizing, then be a classroom volunteer and you’ll enjoy yourself a lot more. In elementary school there are many, many opportunities to volunteer in the classroom. You don't have to be a room parent to be involved. Teachers need field trip chaperones, library and clinic helpers, lunchroom helpers, workroom helpers for copying, etc;, planners and food prep for parties and festivals, as well as reading, writing, math and handwriting helpers. There's plenty for everyone to do.
My son asked me to be a room parent every year of elementary school. But eventually, I just couldn't, and I had to say no. Instead, I became the PTA President!
For more info: Join your local PTA or PTSA. Check your school's website often, as well as the PTA/PTSA website to stay informed and feel included. Find your local PTA through the national PTA at www.pta.org
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