How to keep your sanity when dealing with a parent with Alzheimer's

October 17, 10:34 PMGoshen Dysfunctional Relationships ExaminerShana Dines

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Alzheimer's is hereditary. If your parent has it you can be tested for it.
Family photo.

You can feel like you are going crazy if you have to live with someone who is a victim of Alzheimer’s. Here are a few tips on trying to keep your sanity while you are dealing with a loved one who is losing theirs.

When you communicate with an Alzheimer's patient it can be very frustrating. It is not only frustrating for you but also for them. What I have noticed the most with my father is his fear. If you tell an Alzheimer's patient that they have already told you something they may get defensive and fearful.


What works the best is to just go along with him or her and act as if it is the first time that you have heard what they have told you. This is much easier for you if you are not the caregiver who has to live with them on a daily basis.

My father is a victim of Alzheimer's. He has a very hard time retaining memory about the present. He can tell you all about his childhood and each traumatic incident in his past but he cannot remember anything in the present. He still recognizes me and still remembers all of his childhood and many of the negative things that he has experienced in his life. He also remembers a lot of the good things that he experienced and repeats them over and over again.

It is very confusing for him because he can't retain current information. It is helpful in the earlier stages of Alzheimer’s to leave notes in the bathroom on in the kitchen that the patient can read to remind them to brush their teeth and other things that they may forget to do.

One of the hardest things is to have to take away things like driving privileges from the patient. Many times when you live with an Alzheimer’s patient it is hard to accept or to see how bad their memory is. It is easy to allow them to continue to do things that are dangerous to them and to others. My father should have stopped driving much sooner than he did. He was humiliated and angry but it is a necessary to keep him from driving. He felt like he was being treated like a child.

There are so many things that are extremely difficult. Medications, meals, and daily living are very stressful for the caretaker of an Alzheimer’s patient. Taking care of them is demanding and repetitive. It is important to have help because you can become run down and depressed dealing with the patient on a daily basis.

If your patient demands to do something or to see someone, such as a departed loved one, you can tell him or her that the person will be home soon. Don’t remind them that the person has been dead for 50 years. In a few minutes they will forget that they wanted to see their dead loved one.

One of the good things about dealing with an Alzheimer’s patient is that all things are new to them. If they love to eat like my father does, it is easy to please him. I have made taco salad for him numerous times and each time it is like the first time for him. He loves it and appreciates everything that I make for him. I don’t remind him that he has had it many times before. I enjoy his pleasure in getting something that he loves as much as he does.

Remember that you have to be patient, understanding and loving with a victim of Alzheimer's. A patient of Alzheimer's is not just a patient but also a victim. They are trapped in a shell and it is impossible to imagine what it is like for them. Show them love and affection. Laugh and joke with them. You can tell them the same jokes and stories over again too. Let them tell you the same story over and over again and pretend it is the first time that you have heard it. We have many delightful times together. They are much more relaxed and carefree when we allow them that dignity.

Remember that this is temporary. Try to enjoy the time that you have them for as long as you can. When they are more lucid, cherish those moments. If the time comes when you can’t take care of them it is important to let them go to a nursing home where they can care for them 24 hours a day. Visit as often as you can and try not to take their behavior personal. It is important to be gentle and loving with them. Treat them the way you would want to be treated.

Unfortunately if you are related to them there is a chance that you are genetically predisposed to get Alzheimer's too. Hopefully there is a cure in the near future.