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Jealousy- necessary or nonessential?
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Jealousy.
We've all tangoed with the green-eyed monster more than a few times in our lives. I know I've stood in line at Starbucks, contemplating if the heel on my boot would knock the girl in front of me unconscious so I can snatch her Fendi bag and split. We all have that uber annoying acquaintance who we constantly want to duct tape to a wall because all they can talk about is their amazing job and ridiculously long paid vacation time and how their salary affords them nights out at Ember at least twice a week. Jealousy. Envy. The actual words themselves are rather pleasing to the ear, but the emotions that accompany this particular green-eyed miscreant are usually less than appealing.
Jealousy can bring out the ugliest in people- go to enough bars in our bustling metropolis and you'll figure this out pretty quickly. Girls ripping each other's extensions out in catfights; guys knocking over high-tops as they wrestle each other to the floor- it's a veritable boxing ring if you add enough tequila to the mix. Jealousy usually both stems from and causes insecurity- seeing your boyfriend hit on a girl who's not only skinnier than you but rocking new Louboutins is generally not going to make you run over and compliment her on her shoes. More than likely you'll examine your own footwear and wonder what you did (or didn't) to make your flame hit on someone else.
According to smart people with psychology degrees, however, envy can actually be a positive force, driving people to strive for the best they can achieve. Blah, blah. OK, so I slightly agree with this. If I find out one of my old friends from high school has moved to New York and landed a job as an editor at Vanity Fair, this will most likely spur me into frenzied job-searching and hours upon hours of writing. However, this will likely be preceded by a night of extra-strong martinis in order to dull the burning jealousy that would undoubtedly be coursing through my veins. Positive? Perhaps.
So where does jealousy stand in relationships? In my opinion, there's always room for the little green-eyed fiend. Some may disagree with me, and I can perfectly understand why- there's always some crazy Glenn-Close-Fatal-Attraction sob story being related amongst guys. A looney-tunes ex who checked his email everyday and accused him of cheating when discovering a message from a female cousin. A possessive harpy who refused to let him go out with his buddies, convinced that a night of Bud Lights at Buffalo Wild Wings would end up with him taking home an employee from Rachel's. We've all heard these urban dating myths- they're usually similar in plot-line and character flaws, but just different enough to keep things fresh. And I can admit, I've seen these specimens of low-self esteem at work in my multitude of various female friends. Fortunately, it's not just the girls who warp into psychotic versions of their former selves when faced with a bit of competition. Oh yes, gentleman, I've seen quite a few of you drop one of your own ranks with a flying elbow for checking out your girlfriend. Let's not blame it all on estrogen.
Go ahead, ask me why I'm advocating jealousy in relationships and accuse me of being “that girl”- the one who could star in her own low-budget version of Single White Female. I'm not a jealous person. (Or at least I didn't used to be- my current manfriend is most definitely worthy of a girl-fight.) I don't like being suspicious, and I get no enjoyment out of the theatrics that accompany accusations of cheating. Ask any of my friends- I was put in a position a few weeks ago where a girl short of a few necessary medications informed me (entirely falsely, no less) that my manfriend had cheated on me. I. Was. A. Mess. I'm talking black eyeliner dripping down my face a la Alice Cooper, sobbing in the office at work while my co-workers threatened to kick some ass, and a sudden, intense antipathy for the cheerful “ding” that my Blackberry sounds when I have a text message. It was anything but an adrenaline rush, I can tell you that much. I'd sell my recently acquired ridiculously hot motorcycle boots in a heartbeat to avoid a repeat occurrence.
Why, then, would I think envy is a necessary component in a healthy relationship? This is why. Picture yourself at a bar, decked out in a hot outfit, feeling delightfully cosmopolitan as a handsome gentleman flirts with you over martinis. Now picture your manfriend standing over by the pool tables, nonchalantly racking 'em up and ignoring the fact that some other dude is drooling all over his girlfriend. See where I'm going with this? That, to me, is insulting. I understand the value of trust and honesty and the validity of love and blah blah blah *cue the swelling acoustic guitar music*, but seriously, if all your man can do is chug draft beer while some other guy tries to get in your pants, there's a problem. And the problem is that he just doesn't care enough. If you can't make the effort to protect what's yours, you just don't give a flying f-bomb. And it's the same if the situation and genders are flipped. There's a fine line between being jealous and protecting what you adore, and most of us have to tiptoe along it and use those brains nestled underneath our fabulous highlights before we jump over it. In my much-discussed opinion, jealousy comes with the territory of caring about someone so much that the butterflies seem permanent. Don't cut my head off- I'm not talking crazypants jealousy, aka beating some girl's corduroy-clad ass because she bought your boyfriend a drink. I'm simply talking about standing up for your relationship and not letting some slutty chick (because they do exist, slinking around the dim-lit clubs of Orlando in Charlotte Russe corset tops) insult you. Basically, it all comes down to respect- both for yourself and your significant other. You should be invested enough in your relationship to fight for it, but not pick fights where there are none.
Like I said, it's a fine line, and sometimes it gets crossed when it shouldn't. We all occasionally jump to conclusions and overreact, especially when alcohol is present and accounted for. Luckily, most people have the sense to apologize and then grovel when they unnecessarily act like idiots. So which would you prefer? A little green tinge in your relationship, or one that eventually becomes so washed out that it's bland and colorless? Like I said, I'm no drama queen. I like things simple and happy. But I'd much rather be in a relationship I'd want to punch a skanky girl over than one where I just floated along without caring.
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