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Sharing a Guy
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Courtesy of Tina Phillips/ Up for sharing a guy
The following was a reader’s question, one that’s common enough of a problem that the advice given and how she handled it is something most of us can find useful. Her problem consisted of potentially “sharing” a guy with her sister.
Q: So a friend of mine told me to ask you because you’re blunt and I don’t know you to get pissed.
And this really sucks. So my older sis, she got this guy. Well, sorta. They’re talking. He’s a couple of years younger than her and two years older than me. I thought he was cute, too, but you don’t actually eye your sister’s possible man, so you know. And I’m really close to my sis, we’re like best friends, even though she’s like 5 years older. I got her back. But this guy, we trade numbers, to be friends, cause you want your sis and friends and all that to like the guy you’ll be dating. And I think it’s no big thing, and we text a little.
Then one day, he starts to say little flirty things, and then comes out and says he thinks I’m sexy and he’s thought about kissing me. But he’s still talking to my sister, they haven’t really called things off, he sees her and all that. I liked him well enough, but I feel like that’s sleazy and messed up that he’d be trying to get at me when he’s even somewhat with her. I feel awkward now. I told her about it, and she talked to him.
She got mad, and all that, but I guess he apparently promised her he’ll stop talking to me like that. I feel like I should tell my sister that he’s sad he can’t talk to me anymore, and maybe she should move on to someone else, I mean, they were just starting out. She deserves better than some guy that’s going to try to hit up her sister. She should be special.
But, after all that, she’s still interested in him, and I don’t know if I even should try to convince her otherwise. What if she tries to say I only want him for myself? No guy is worth breaking up sisters!
-Stuck Sister
A: Dear Stuck sister,
With my own younger sister we have a rule about never “sharing” guys, especially, and no exception to, when one of us is still with him at the same time, whether it’s dating, “just talking” or otherwise.
Some people have exceptions with certain circumstances, and those can be allowed of course, but I’d say in your case you probably did the right thing. You got to remember that there are many men out there, and we all deserve someone that deserves us.
However, sometimes people need to learn things the hard way. You say she’s much older than you, and if she has prior dating experience, maybe she just needs to go through this anyway to learn. You may think about telling her gently, showing her that you deleted his number and what not, and if you’d wanted him, you’d have tried to get him before. Tell her that it’s sisters before guys, and you just want to make sure she’s dating a guy that will treat her right, and be with her exclusively (if that’s what she wants---you did not specify if she herself is dating more than one person). Either way, support her decision, because if it goes bad, she’ll really need you.
Best of luck!
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