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Severing ties or tying the knot: Fear of complusion
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Photo Courtesy of Alisa Sea Kopp, "Married"
Some girlfriends of mine recently rented He’s Just Not That into You and was telling me their impromptu review on it.
“Jennifer Aniston’s character was unbelievable; I don’t know if I’d have had the guts to tell my man what I really wanted, to get married.”
It’s not surprisingly, really, that old saying, “Art imitates life” and so forth. A lot of women can be shocked at the rising statistics of heterosexual couples that live together longer than some others stay married.
In 2005, the U.S. Census Bureau reported 4.85 million cohabiting couples, which is higher by 1,000 percent from 1960, when there were 439,000 couples that lived together, unmarried.
In the movie, Aniston’s character and Ben Affleck’s have been living together for years, and “love each other very much”. She wants to get married, but is afraid if she pushes the question with him he’ll leave, as she suddenly realizes that if he wanted to marry her he would have by now. However, another married couple in the movie is the example of the man “rushed” into marrying a woman before he was ready because he didn’t want to leave her when she pushed the question on him.
This is a very frightening and painful demonstration of one path Aniston’s character could find herself in, as well as many a woman in the same, familiar situation. Or man for that matter here in San Antonio.
Fear, then, can push us to break ties or tie the knot. Despite our tendencies to want to stay with that familiar, comforting person, it might not be the best thing for us. Sometimes we need room to grow. Sometimes we feel our partners don’t love us enough if we don’t immediately want to move in, or get married, but sometimes, some of us just need some time to figure out what we really want. It’s up to each person in the partnership to decide if either decision is worth it. Waiting for that other person to get through their issues: is it worth it anymore?
Remember what’s healthy for a relationship and that no matter how “easy” it is to stay with the same person even if you’re not getting anything from the relationship anymore, there are seriously other fish in the sea.
However, keep in mind that some people just don’t want to commit, and if that’s what a partner wants from life after several years, try and bring it up, and don’t let them distract from a proper answer. Some fear that they’re being pushy, but that old mantra, “communication is key” is no joke. After a few years of being seriously together, if they bolt after just wanting to discuss, perhaps it’s time to rethink some things.
Although it might spoil that ring falling out of the clothes hamper, talk about it. Remember, on either path (the break up or the married life), don’t shove anyone which way, walk by their side there.
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