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Dear Pope Benedict XVI,
I read that you met with President Barack Obama on Friday. You are indeed fortunate to have been graced by his presence, as he is a man who vows to make America great once again. How does he plan to do this? Progress – something with which you should become familiar. So what was it you two discussed? Oh, stem cell research – how marvelous! I hope you did not tell Obama that you think stem cell research is not a good idea. You did!? For shame. What have I told you about sticking your nose where it does not belong?
Let me remind you, Pope, of what stem cells are: stem cells are cells which can essentially become any other cell in the human body. Preliminary research indicates that stem cells could eradicate (eradicate!) numerous diseases such as diabetes, various types of cancer, birth defects; repair damaged hearts, treat spinal cord injuries, and on and on. Just think: we may have a future in which cancer has gone the way of small pox. Does that not sound amazing to you? If you would like more information, our government has set up an excellent Website through the National Institutes of Health, with a section devoted just to this topic.
You say the church has an issue specifically with embryonic stem cell research, as the general belief is that little baby souls are being destroyed for the sake of science. Let me clarify something for you, Pope: embryonic stem cells are derived from tiny microscopic clusters called blastocysts, which are a collection of roughly 150 cells. That bears repeating: 150 cells. As Sam Harris points out in Letter to a Christian Nation (a book I am quite certain you have on your nightstand), the brain of a fly has 100,000 cells. Is this really what you are fighting – 150 cells?
Listen, Pope, buddy, by continuing to wallow in the vast depths of Christian Catholic ignorance (sorry, but it is true), you are once again deliberately preventing the advancement of science and the betterment of humankind. It is time for this to stop. We are a modern people living in modern times with no need for supernatural and superstitious beliefs to guide us. If the god in whom you believe did not want us to advance stem cell research, then he probably should not have created such smart scientists, huh?
The good news is that Obama is unlikely to be swayed by your anti-stem cell research campaign. America has already been held back long enough, thanks to our previous born-again Christian president. Oh, that’s right, you two were BFFs! Thankfully, he is out of office and cannot hurt us anymore. And someday, I hope you and the Catholic Church will not be able to hurt us anymore either.
Sincerely,
Every citizen dying of a disease that could be cured by stem cells