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Ark of the Covenant revealed
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Yes, it's true, the Ark of the Covenant is to be revealed. We know this because the story of the Ark of the Covenant's revelation comes to us from an extremely reliable source.
No, really, extremely reliable. One that you wouldn't and couldn't doubt on the most important religious story for a couple of centuries. (Perhaps I should point out just here that Indiana Jones did not in fact discover said Ark of the Covenant. That was a movie, remember?)
As I say, extremely reliable. Weekly World News reliable, you know, ten times better than People? In fact, it should already have happened, this revelation of the Ark:
The head of the Orthodox Church of Ethiopia has stated that the Ark of the Covenant will be revealed to the public.
Abuna Pauolos is in Vatican City this week, meeting with Pope Benedict XVI. It is from this holy city that Pauolos confirmed the Ark of the Covenant’s presence in Ethiopia, and that he will be announcing its unveiling this Friday: “Soon the world will be able to admire the Ark of the Covenant described in the Bible as the container of the tablets of the law that God delivered to Moses and the center of searches and studies for centuries.”
The Ark is a sacred container written of in the Old Testament. It is said to contain the original Ten Commandments tablets, as well as some manna, the mythical food that the Israelites ate while wandering through the desert.
See, they say that the Ark of the Covenant will be revealed today, Friday. Now you make think that it's still Friday, so there's still time, right? Well, over in Ethiopia there's only a couple of hours of Friday left, those darn time zones again. And if they ain't gonna do it before nightfall, my guess is that they're not gonna do it at all.
Of course, we could all just be a little bit more sensible about this and think of what the source for this news is. WWN? Take them seriously? As Dispatches from the Culture Wars points out, they do have form on such matters:
But wait, I thought Worldnutdaily columnist Kelly Hollowell had already revealed that the Ark of the Covenant was buried in the Judean desert? And that Ron Wyatt had found the Ark of the Covenant in a cave under Calvary, where it had the dried blood of Jesus on it (and he knows it's the blood of Jesus because it only had 24 chromosomes, 23 from the mother and one from God himself. Now it's been discovered a third time in a different location. This thing is apparently quite mobile.
Well, yes, quite. I think we can work out what the confusion is too. WWN was being somewhat "liberal" in their translation from the original Italian language news story. It's not so much that the Ark of the Covenant will be revealed, it's that the Ethiopian Orthodox Church has the Ark of the Covenant and could reveal it if they wanted to. But they don't so they won't and so there, yah boo sucks!
I agree that my Italian language skills are not up to much but that's my translation and I'm sticking to it.
