Holding a grudge?

I’m holding a grudge and tired of it. Why do we hold grudges? Maybe it’s that small part us that’s afraid of forgetting lest someone “get away” with their bad behavior? Or is it a form of protection? If we never forget, we will never be hurt again? Is this working for us?

When I begin to look at this line of thinking, I see someone being punished – me!  As a mother I’m faced with the awareness that my behavior, grudges, bad habits and the like are transmitted like small mental messengers, to my children and then in some cases, to my unending horror, are replicated perfectly. It’s as though I’m a mad scientist creating little emissaries of bad behavior to go out into the world and spread my evil message of dis-function. So what’s a mother to do? Ok, some of it’s a lost cause – but I have vowed to do something about the grudges.

Let’s start with mothers, shall we? Mothers give children many opportunities to build small grudges and children work away over many years, lovingly creating personal grudge castles, brick by brick. Maybe it’s the new Barbie lunchbox she wouldn’t buy or the time she got drunk in front of a new boyfriend? Perhaps it’s her yelling at you at your 16th Birthday party or the time you got slapped?

The grudges are large and small, but they are grudges nonetheless. And like devoted squirrels, we collect our grudges for winter. By now most of us has quite a stash of nuts. I realized that by holding small grudges against my own mother, I was passing on some of that bad behavior to my children. Did I really want to model that kind of relationship? Do I want my children to hold onto those grudges against me?  Nuts or no nuts, this realization was reason enough to toss the nuts and start fresh.

How to help kids let go of grudges