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Making the perfect kung fu movie - the dialogue
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Art by Marc T. Hicks
“You bastard!” “Brother.” “Show me your Wu tang style.” Or once seen on Spanish television, a Chinese man runs into a room, looks around, and goes, “Que pasa, que pasa?” It’s even funnier in Spanish. These are just a few expressions that are necessary to create dialogue for a kung fu movie. The speech must not be in sync with the lip movements. Hands must be used to exaggerate the inflections of speech. And let us not forget the laugh to show that you’re evil or about to toy with your opponent.
We’re not looking for the next great soliloquy… who wants to see that? You want to express in the least amount of words that you are here to kick major bootay. That you intend to destroy your enemy, explaining the particular technique whilst engaged in battle. Or show respect to your master or brother in arms.
“I shall first use my sleeping tiger. Then follow up with crying dragon.” That’s kung fu dialogue. Already just from hearing the names of the move you’re engrossed and eager to see it perfectly executed.
“Wang fu, you bastard.” Already you know there’s no love lost here. “I’ll kill you; you bastard.” See you know Wang fu is a low-life and that the contest of skill will end in death.
So quickly run to your computer… oh wait you’re here already. Well finish reading and then start penning the greatest kung fu movie ever. Oh but wait, you have to read the rest of this series on how to create the perfect kung fu flick.
Next time my pupils we will cover the plot. You must have some reason for that bastard to Wu tang all over thirty guys.
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