The first 100 days of the Obama Epoch (satire?)

November 22, 2:40 PMDallas Libertarian ExaminerGarry Reed

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Libertarians will be watching with squinty teeth and clenched eyes for legislation designed to turn long-held Hard Left liberal wet dreams into destructive reality during the First 100 Days of the reign of Obama I.

Being a rank and file True Believer of any conventional mainstream political party requires a suspension of disbelief. One has to pretend that the grandiose schemes of the political classes will actually work the way they fantasize that they will work.

Libertarians don’t labor under any such assumptions. So here are some potential proposals to look out for, real world warts and all.

(Reader alert: some will think this is political satire. Some will think this is political reality. Some will think this is political absurdity. Some will think all of the above.)

1. Launch the process of taking the very worst elements of universal health care from Canada, France, Sweden, Wonderland, Oz, and the Duchy of Grand Fenwick, fuse them together in a totally unintelligible 127,000 page tangle of fine print government-speak that nobody can ever possibly comprehend, fund it with a massive Tax On The Rich (anyone making over $500 per year, politicians and their major contributors excepted), create the World’s Biggest Bureaucracy (roughly equivalent to the population of Uruguay), provide no meaningful oversight so it will become hideously corrupted and mismanaged, and declare it a Marvel of Modern Progressivism.

The First Coming of Obama: Our
Lord and Savior-Elect
(source: Dominica Weekly) 

2. Create a mass of convoluted but incredibly fashionable “green laws” intended to save the entire Milky Way Galaxy from wicked mankind-created Global Warming (now officially renamed Climate Change since that phrase encompasses every environmental variation ever recorded in the history of the planet, including warming, cooling and “It’s not so much the heat as the humidity”) which will ensure that the ruling classes can continue to enjoy their taxpayer-paid limos, Learjets and lakeside lodges by swapping phony government-mandated “carbon offset coupons” back and forth while the rest of us get regulated back into the stone age.

3. Form the cabinet-level Office of the Altruism Czar, directed by Chief of Staff Designate Rahm Emanuel (co-author of a book that trumpets compulsory civil servitude for all American youth) who will run the newly formed Mandatory Glorious Universal Self-Sacrificing Patriotic People’s Voluntary Indentured Young Person’s Collective (to be commonly known as the Obama Youth Corps) which will eventually expand to drag every teen and young adult within the reach of American armed forces into reeducation camps where they will be trained to march through streets en masse waving Chairman Gore’s Little Green Book, learn the self-discipline of kow-towing to politicians, bureaucrats and civil service clerks, and to selflessly go forth to serve whatever remains of humankind that hasn’t already been conscripted into some other shamelessly wasteful government boondoggle.

4. Change the official name of the country to United Socialist States of America, or USSA, thereby spitefully rebuking the Bush administration for unofficially changing the country’s name to Fascist States of America.

Political observers should also anticipate the following presidential initiatives to emerge during Our Lord and Savior-Elect Barack Obama’s First 100 days on the Throne: turn water into wine, cure leprosy with a touch, bring sight to the blind, cause the crippled to walk, and raise Karl Marx from the dead.