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Should you ask him "how many before me?"
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Asking about your boyfriend’s number of past sexual encounters is like standing outside to get a better look at the tornado passing by. You know you shouldn’t, you know it’s dangerous, and yet there you are, letting your curiosity get the best of you.
You ask him like it’s no big deal, like you’re asking about the weather. “No, really honey, I’m just curious, I promise I won’t get mad”. So against his better judgement he tells you. The number is larger than you expected. Suddenly your composure changes and you’re no longer that cool girlfriend you were pretending to be 5 minutes ago. And it doesn’t stop there. Now you need to know what type of girls, where did he meet them, how many times with each one? Was it good? Better than it is with you?? You start seeing that number everywhere. It's on the side of buses, on billboards and in those damn optical illusion pictures that I can never figure out.
See, you didn’t want to know the answer. You wanted to hear that the number was less than your number. You wanted to hear that the sex was “OK” and none of them compared to you. But chances are that’s not what you’re going to hear. Chances are you’re not going to like the answer. So why ask it? Will the answer change anything besides adding conflict where there was none? What will you gain from knowing the answer? Nothing but a visual you wish you didn’t have and a hurt ego.
If you’re worried about STDs then ask him to get tested. If you’re worried about your pride, then swallow it. And move on. His past has nothing to do with you.
Feel free to email Jenna with questions or comments.
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