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Sharing expectations with prince charming
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We’ve all done it, created a false mental image of him, a prince charming of sorts, ready to sweep us off our feet. You imagine him rushing home from work to cook you dinner whilst he tells you over and over again how beautiful you are. Or maybe it’s the fantasy where he gives up all his hobbies and free time because nothing is more fun than being with you! Why do we do this? Why can’t we just wait to find out who he is instead of making him who we want him to be, only to find out that the prince in our mind is just your every day toad and no amount of kissing will change him. Well, I think I’ve found a way around this...
After you’ve had a few dates and you find yourself laughing with him and looking forward to the next time you’ll see him, think about your expectations. If you don't already know them off the top of your head, take some time and make a list (you know I love my lists!). Write down what’s important to you in a relationship. What do you expect out of him? Maybe you expect him to make a certain amount of time for you, take longs walks on the beach, a weekly date night or spend 30 minutes talking about your day at the end of it. Whatever it is you expect, whatever it is that’s important to you, let him know. Otherwise, when he stops trying to impress you, you might not like what you see. You might find he doesn't really like to cook. And the compliments? It turns out he's not much of a talker. And now he's thinking, wait a minute, you didn't say anything about me cooking you dinner every night or wanting to talk about your feelings or that you expect me to be home 5 out of 7 nights. Suddenly, he's looking at you like you're a freak and you're left wondering what went wrong? He used to be such a prince!
So instead of imaging him to be a prince, hand him the crown and see if it fits. If he flinches at your expectations, no worries, there’s still a chance he’ll see them as reasonable and doable. And he just might make the effort. On the other hand, he may decide he’s not about to change who he is so you can either adjust your list or hit the road. If that's the case you have two options. Turn, run and be thankful you found out now instead of on your honeymoon, or take a look at your expectations and figure out what they really mean to you. Do they come out of neediness? Insecurity? Or are they true wants and desires that just make you feel good, like a chocolate sundae, and dammit, you’re not giving 'em up! You might be surprised at what you find. You might realize the things you thought you needed aren't that important to you. Or, in the rarest of cases, just as you’re about to give up, you find out he actually is a prince and all he needed was to find his princess. That's how I discovered my prince so I know it’s possible. Just not probable.
Feel free to email Jenna with any questions or comments.
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