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Why we should forgive
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Whether you're holding onto a small grudge or gripping with all your might something larger, all you're doing is cheating yourself out of the life you deserve. Let's get something straight, forgiveness is something you do for yourself, not for the person who wronged you. Now let’s talk about what forgiveness is not. Forgiveness is not:
- condoning what was done to you
- reconciling with the person who wronged you
- forgetting what happened to you
Forgiveness is about letting go of the negative thoughts and feelings that envelop our souls when we’ve been ‘wronged’ by someone.
When someone commits an act against us that we perceive as hurtful, we may become filled with resentment and a hunger for revenge. Our thoughts may become incessant. We become a victim. At this point we've officially given our power to other person. We're letting what they did to us prevent us from being happy, from living a full life, from moving forward.
So why is it so hard to forgive? Sometimes it's because we secretly like being a victim. If the other person is a horrible monster then we're innocent. We deserve sympathy and attention. Sometimes we want to hold on to the anger because we think that it’s punishment to the other person. "I'll show him, I'll never forgive him for what he did!". Meanwhile, we're getting physically ill, suffering anxiety, depression and high blood pressure just to name a few symptoms. And this is supposed to be punishment to the other person? This is why forgiveness is for us. Forgiveness is about freeing yourself from the grips of resentment and vengeance. Allowing yourself to live in the present instead of constantly reliving the past.
People come to forgive in different ways. Some people can just decide to forgive and that's it. Done. Me? I remind myself that we're all the same. Some of us are more evolved than others, but at our most basic core, we're the same. I also remind myself that whatever was done to me wasn't about me. It was about the other person, and I try to find compassion for them. I try to accept what happened and resolve to move on from it. Find what works for you and practice it.
When we relive the past we ensure that we remain the victim. But if we can learn to forgive, we empower ourselves. We are no longer the victim. We have chosen to move forward. We have chosen to purge ourselves of all the negative, toxic thoughts and feelings that have been inhabiting us. We recognize we are too important and worthy to waste our lives feeling small, angry and full of hate. We have the power to say I will NOT feel like this anymore. I will not hold on to the negativity. I will allow myself to be happy again. Only when you learn to stop living in the past, will you be free to have a happy, healthy relationship in the present. Remember, forgiveness is a choice. Take control of your life and make the choice to be happy.
For more info:
- A lesson in love all women should learn
- Can forgiveness help your relationship? by Carissa Chesanek, Hartford Sex and Relationship Examiner
- Martin Luther King and Barack Obama dared to have 'audacity of hope' by Debra Collins, Relationship Examiner
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