10 tips to help parents talk to children about the Ft. Hood shooting

November 6, 2:17 PMHouston Family ExaminerLisa Carey

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AP Photo/Austin American-Statesman, Rodolfo Gonzalez

Thursday, November 5, 2009 is another day that will go down in U.S. history as shocking news of reports of a shooting by a soldier at a military base in Ft. Hood , just outside of Austin Texas rocked the world. For some of us it was similar to news reports of students opening gunfire at their high school or college. For others, unfortunately we met it with the same shock we met the announcement about Oklahoma City, and wherever you turned people were desperate to hear what was going on and if friends family and the soldiers that we so appreciate are safe.

Twitters and Facebook postings were read from New York to California, as family members were desperately trying to explain the Ft. Hood lock down, orders to remain in homes and children retained in schools for their safety.

According to the American Academy of Children and Adolescent Psychiatry, "Children often see or hear the news many times a day through television, radio, newspapers, magazines, and the Internet.  Seeing and hearing about local and world events, such as natural disasters, catastrophic events, and crime reports, may cause children to experience stress, anxiety, and fears." 

You may not know it, but your children have probably heard about the shooting at Ft. Hood. They may have heard about children being held at school for their safety. They may have heard about families needing to remain in their homes.  And you can bet, they they all have questions they they want to have answered, but in many cases may be afraid to ask.

How can parents talk to our children about violence like that which occurred in the Ft. Hood shooting?  

1. Be calm. Often children are afraid to talk to parents about their fears because they see that their parents are upset, hurt, angry or bewildered, especially in this circumstance where soldier attacks soldiers.  Watch your speech and actions around your children and provide them with a calm and thoughtful parent to approach.
2. Use age appropriate information.  Remember not only your child's age, but also level of understanding.  For younger ones a simple explanation such as, "Yes, there was a shooting but he is caught now and everyone is safe," is a good place to begin.  For older children you may be able to discuss a limited amount of details and a deeper discussion of the situation. 
3. Don't pretend to know everything. We don't have all the details and until we do keep it simple. Don't judge or make conjectures about what happened in an effort to reassure your child that they are safe.  
4. Remind your children they are safe.  Point on a map where Ft. Hood is and where you live. Explain that the shooting was away from your home.  For families in Houston this is easier said than done as many of us have friends and family stationed there as well as other soldiers I know who travel from Ft. Hood to Houston frequently.  Explain that the man was caught, that the families are safe and that your children are safe too.
5. Take a TV break.  Turn the TV off, especially when children are around and further news stories about the shooting are released.  If children ask, tell them you will explain it to them later. With older children you may wish to watch limited news reports and discuss how the information makes them feel.
6. Sometimes good people do bad things.  We don't know why, so don't dwell on it. But you can explain that sometimes drugs, alcohol, mental illness and other factors cause people to do bad things.
7. Make an art start.  Encourage children to try one of two things a) draw what frightens them about the Ft. Hood shooting or 2) encourage and help them create a picture or card for families in Ft. Hood.   Soon means to provide support to our military serving at Ft. Hood will soon be in place and our children can feel proud of their efforts to help someone else feel better. This also creates in them a sense of empowerment.
8. Be honest.  It's ok to talk to your children about your feelings too. Keep your comments simple and clean, but calm.  Let them know you too care about what happened and that is a good thing, caring for others. 
9. Accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative. Discuss with your children the positive in the news, both in the Ft. Hood shooting and on an everyday basis.  Soldiers were able to capture the gunman and he is in "jail." Families are safe.  But also stress the good things that happened yesterday, and every day. Let them know there is more to news and life than the bad news, but good news too. Use PBS Parents "Talking to Your Children about the News" as a guide. Children NOW also offers this guide to talking to your children about news.
10. Watch for stress reactions in your children.  Not sure if your child is upset about the Ft. Hood shooting or any other reports of violence.  Consider this guide by Ft. Hood on stress reactions in children ages birth to 18 years. While all children react differently, this guide can help you recognize some of the signs that your children are upset, worried or frightened.

To the families at Ft. Hood know that our families thoughts, prayers and well wishes are with you.  

About the photo: Thursday, Nov. 5, 2009 photo, U.S. Army Spc. Jerry Richard and his daughter Samyia Jones, 3, wait outside of the main gate to Ft. Hood after a shooting earlier at Fort Hood, Texas. Richard's wife also in the Army and three other children were still in lock down on the base. (AP Photo/Austin American-Statesman, Rodolfo Gonzalez)