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DVD review- Simon Says (2006)
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Crispin Glover as Simon (or is that Stanley?) in Simon Says.
Actors are known to do certain movies just for a paycheck. It's a job like any other, and sometimes artistic merit is not the muse behind the creation of some movies. Crispin Glover (Back to the Future, The River's Edge) is an actor who is known to do this. That's because for many years Glover has been funding his own pet project far outside of the Hollywood system, a trilogy of very strange films featuring casts of people with various mental disabilities (two out of the three movies of this trilogy have already been made). Unfortunately, that leads him to make movies like Simon Says.
Glover stars in two roles as mentally disturbed twins Simon and Stanley. The film follows a set of five teenagers on a camping trip who meet Simon and Stanley at their filling station. Willfully ignorant of the psychotically odd behavior of these twins, the stupid, stupid teens trust Simon's recommendation of a certain campsite. Before long they find themselves being picked off one by one by Simon/Stanley, who utilizes a series of booby traps fueled by the highest number of pick axes you will likely ever see onscreen.
Slasher movies have never been known as showcases for great acting; however, the five teen characters in this movie are portrayed so poorly that it borders on infuriating. The teens fit neatly into overused stereotypes (jock, slut, stoner, goody goody, survivor) and are each individually irritating, so much so that it makes the audience long for them to be murdered. Even Crispin Glover's acting is just plain bad. He gives Simon/Stanley the strangest accent, a combination of Southern drawl and New England dialect that makes the twins sound handicapped. On top of that, he overacts in every scene. Perhaps he was having a lot of fun making this movie, but it's not fun for the audience.
The only thing that keeps Simon Says from being an entirely abysmal experience is that some of the kill scenes are fun in a truly over the top sort of way. Simon/Stanley's booby traps really have to be seen to be believed. There are scenes where the entire screen is filled with flying pick axes, one has to wonder where you would be able to buy so many pick axes (the pick axes in these scenes appear to be CGI). However, there are also some scenes where the special effects appear to be quite amateur, in particular one involving fire.
Even the director, William Dear, seems far too experienced to be making a film like this. He's in his early 60's, has been directing film and television since the mid-70's, and has directed the likes of Harry and the Hendersons and Angels in the Outfield. This movie was released in 2006...everywhere but the United States. It was not released on DVD until June of 2009. Not really recommended for anyone except maybe hardcore Crispin Glover completists.
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