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They Weren't All Gems: Mediocre Beatles Songs Unmasked!
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Octopus's Garden [from Abbey Road] - Yes, even the fab four are entitled to pen a novelty song or two, but since we already had tunes like "Yellow Submarine" and "When I'm Sixty Four" fitting the bill, did we really need this one? And let's be honest here - Ringo Starr is not a good singer by anyone's stretch of the imagination. Sample verse: "We would sing and dance around/Because we know we can't be found/I'd like to be under the sea/In an octopus's garden in the shade." In the shade of what? The ocean? Even adult nursery rhymes should make some kind of sense!
Savoy Truffle [from The White Album] - Let me say that I am the first person to acknowledge (and appreciate) the underrated songwriting talents of George Harrison - Hell, to this day, I still think the best track on Sgt. Pepper is Harrison's exotic "Within You, Without You." But this ode to a sweet treat is pretty lame, which is doubly sad since the musical arrangement is kinda cool, in a lo-fi sort of way. Sample verse: "A coffee dessert, yes you know that's good news/Coconut fudge really blows down those blues..." Huh? And then the topper - a lyrical reference to The White Album's second biggest embarrassment, "Obla di, Obla da"? Why George, why?
Your Mother Should Know [from Magical Mystery Tour] - Could someone please explain Sir Paul McCartney's apparent obsession with Tin Pan Alley? The nostalgic longing for a time long since gone seems to be the prevailing theme. How long? Since before your mother was born, that's how long! And though she was born a long, long, time ago, well......you get the picture. And since it was a hit before your mother was born, what century would that place it in, anyway? I'm surprised McCartney's vocals weren't fed through a megaphone, so he could emulate Rudy Vallee. Actually, I bet that would've worked!
If I Fell [from Something New] - Interesting choice of album title, since the music contained therein pretty much follows the same footsteps as Meet the Beatles and The Beatles Second Album, although this time around, the guys expand their range through romantic balladry. One song in this vein works well - the wistful "And I Love Her" is a heartfelt, Everly Brothers-inspired tune where such couplets as "A love like ours will never die, as long as I have you near me" ring naive perhaps, but achingly sincere. "If I Fell" by contrast, comes off as a pathetic attempt to take revenge on a past breakup. And there are few cringe-worthy moments on record than Lennon's off, off-key reading of "was in vain", which through the miracle of remastering, has mysteriously vanished.
The Long and Winding Road [from Let it Be] - A lot has been said about how producer Phil Spector "bastardized" McCartney's emotive ballad through over-orchestration, and the addition of some angelic choir voicings, but I've heard both the original version, and the one which later appeared on Let It Be....Naked, and all I can say is, put your clothes back on! Either way, its a mawkish ballad, so critics and Macca alike, get over yourselves. It's not that the sentiments expressed aren't genuine or touching, it still feels as if McCartney is overreaching. Perhaps if I heard this on guitar (not piano) with harmonies from Lennon, it would sound more palatable. Maybe.
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