RSS
Home
Affection is a very important component of a child's mental development
Print
Email
RSS
Subscribe
ParentLink from Mizzou
So, what does affection have to do with intelligence? Just about everything, it turns out. Sue Gerhardt’s book, Why Love Matters: How Affection Shapes a Baby's Brain, is a review of the latest research into the development of the brain.
For instance, a faction of researchers studied the brains of Romanian orphans - children whose caretakers had left them to cry in their cribs from birth and denied them any chance of forming close attachments with an adult. They revealed that these infants had an effective ‘black hole’ where the orbito-frontal cortex should have been.
This is the area of the brain that makes it possible for us to handle our emotions, to connect with sensitivity to other people, to feel pleasure and to appreciate the beauty around us. In reality, this early neglect had left permanent brain damage in the children.
What is the scientific explanation for this? Our earliest experiences are not merely set down as memories, influences, or stimuli. Instead, they are translated into specific neurological blueprints of response in the brain. These nerve pathways become the foundation of the neurological algorithms for how we cope with our feelings, and those of other people, for the remainder of our lives.
Emotional intelligence is obviously affected by neglect and abuse, but so is secular intellect or the ability to learn. Love and affection are essential to brain development in the beginning years of life. Early interactions between babies and their parents have lasting and serious consequences. This earliest relationship shapes the baby’s nervous system and affects the way he or she responds to stress later in life. It also affects the immune system such that emotional isolation or bereavement can cause physical illness. And it strongly affects memory and learning ability.
The author was a foster parent for several years back in the 1980s and saw first-hand that the lack of affection and security in the first few years of life was almost impossible to make up for later. Abuse and neglect re-wire the brain. The author has seen, though, that holding an older child or rocking that child on her lap healed a lot of the emotional gaps, if not all. Appropriate holding is imperative for children to grow in all areas of development.
The optimal rule of thumb for purposeful, proactive parents- to give their child’s intelligence the best chance possible- is to equate hugs with the child’s age. For example, an infant should be held at least once every hour, unless napping. A toddler should be hugged or held every hour, too. A 2-year-old should be hugged or held at least once every 2 hours, or a minimum of 8 times in a 16-hour day. A 3-year-old should be hugged or held at least once every 3 hours, or a minimum of 5 times in a 16-hour day. A 4-year-old should be hugged at least once every 4 hours, or a minimum of 4 times in a 16-hour day. A 5- to 6-year-old should be hugged at least 3 times in a day. From 7- to 12-year-olds should be hugged at least twice a day. And from 13- to 18-year-old should get a hug at least once a day.
If the child requests more hugs, then give them. You can’t spoil a child with holding and proper affection. That is an uneducated idea. Spoiling a child is giving him something he shouldn’t have just because he throws a tantrum. Holding is not spoiling.
The author found it easiest to get her teenage boys to hug her goodnight at bedtime. As children grow, their physical-attention needs diminish as their intellectual-attention needs increase. There comes a time when they’re too big for daddy’s lap, but need his listening ear.
Ironically, the children who are held as much as they want usually become very independent, and the children who are pushed away usually become very insecure.
Children will let us know when they need our attention and affection. Wise parents will not push them away but will hug them and make them feel secure. Then the children will be able to become their best selves and soar high when it’s their turn to take off on their own. And isn’t that the goal?
Would you like some help with parenting? Most states probably have programs similar to Missouri's. The College of Education at the University of Missouri has a wonderful program called ParentLink. Check it out
at http://education.missouri.edu/orgs/parentlink/
"ParentLink provides support for parents through an information line, lending library, and community development activities. ParentLink's mission is to help Missouri parents provide safe, healthy and nurturing environments for their children. For more information, please call the ParentLink Warm Line at 1-800-552-8522. En Espanol: 1-888-460-0008. All calls are confidential within the limits of the law. Hours are Monday-Friday 8:00 a.m.-5:00 p.m.
"At ParentLink our goal is to support Missouri Families in making the best choices possible for their families. Call the WarmLine for:
"Access to resources and services for families in your area.
Free information on ANY parenting question. Call about specific situations, developmental stages, or services you are looking for.
A free loan library of parenting materials.
Someone who will listen if you just need to talk."
Other resources are:
http://www.dhss.mo.gov/babyyourbaby/resources.html for Baby Your Baby, and
Kathleen M. Baggett
Juniper Gardens Children’s Project
650 Minnesota Avenue, Second Floor
Kansas City, KS 66101
(913) 321-3143, Ext. 237
kbaggett@ku.edu
Related Articles:
Add a Comment
