RSS
Home
Confrontation
Print
Email
RSS
Subscribe
The art of confrontation can be a difficult thing to master, to say the least. The way you confront an issue can help to bring closure to a particular conflict situation or it can cause the beginning of World War Three. Proper confrontation can bring peaceful resolution while improper confrontation will only add to the problem at hand.
Many years ago I landed a job with a local contractor to build a redwood gazebo. This contractor told me up front that he would dock my pay 5 cents for every “hammer track” I left in the redwood floor. How was I to drive hundreds of nails into soft redwood without leaving “hammer tracks”? The answer: proper confrontation!
The nails had to be confronted in such a manner that the job would get accomplished without causing excess damage. This was not to be done with the biggest hammer I could find; it had to be accomplished with finesse and care. If necessary, I had to incorporate additional tools (in this case a nail set) to finish the job properly.
When it is time to confront your spouse concerning an issue, your personal attitude is a critical factor in determining the outcome. If you confront thinking you must win, your marriage looses. Conversely, if the purpose of the confrontation is for the betterment of the marriage, you win personally as well.
Think about your verbal skills for a moment. Would you describe your confrontational ability as skilled? For most people, this is an area that is never even thought about, let alone discussed. I find it amazing that we will spend thousands of dollars in skill development when it comes to our careers, but never give a second thought to the skills we employ in the most important relationship we have this side of eternity.
In confronting an issue with your spouse it is important to use “I” statements. This is a very effective way to ‘soften the blow.’ “I feel _____ when you ______,” is much softer than “You always _______ !” Think about what you feel and why you feel that way. Is your emotional response justified? Is your confrontation with your spouse based on an issue that you truly need to deal with, or is your spouse just a handy person for you to unload on?
Whoever coined the phrase “Love is never having to say you’re sorry” certainly doesn’t live on the same planet that I do. After 32 years of marriage, I find myself appalled at my lack of sensitivity to my child bride. One would think that with 32 years of experience that my verbal skills would be mastered. The problem is that most people give up on trying to master verbal communication. We do ourselves and our marriages a great disservice by becoming lazy concerning proper confrontation.
Related Articles:
Comments
