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Is there a direct correlation between romantic relationships and self-esteem?
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Simon Rice recently surveyed 300 Australian men and women, aged 18-25, and found that self-esteem levels are significantly higher for men when they are in a romantic relationship. Mr. Rice says, “We know that men tend to feel better about themselves when their place in the social hierarchy is bolstered. Men are naturally more competitive and being in a relationship comes with a sense of social achievement." So are we to believe that behind every man with high self-esteem is a woman reinforcing his social status?
Wait, there’s more. "A romantic partnership for men may also fulfill unmet intimacy needs. Women tend to provide more encouragement and emotional validation in their relationships," Rice says. "They are also more prepared to listen, support and nurture their partners. Many men don’t find this same level of intimacy in their same-sex friendships," he said. So now we are offering them intimacy, emotional stability, and support, which in turn, boosts their self-esteem. Wow, we are incredible!
I don’t disagree that a man’s self-esteem is higher in general when he’s romantically involved, but women are not directly responsible for this increase. Maybe he’s just happy? Maybe he feels loved? Maybe all those damn endorphins that are being released have something to do with it?
Many people, men and women alike, are in a relationship and have low self-esteem for a variety of reasons. Personality traits, childhood issues, relationships that may not be healthy, or a chemical imbalance could be at fault, just as easily as blaming singlehood. The biggest blow to self-esteem these days is probably infidelity. When your partner cheats, you begin by asking yourself, “What’s wrong with me?” In reality, this is not our issue, but we immediately take responsibility for it. Since many relationships end after the infidelity, there will clearly be a set of singles with lower self-esteem after experiencing this.
The romantic relationships of women, on the other hand, were found to have little impact on their self-esteem. Rice’s explains, "Women tend to fulfill their intimacy needs through a range of platonic relationships." Just a few months ago, when I claimed that my needs were met, I was told that I didn’t meet them with one person, but by a variety of girl and guy friends. I blanched at the thought of this at first, but when we discussed it, I had to admit that it made sense. Women are complex creatures with many needs. While we would love to find one person to fulfill everything we need, I believe that’s impossible. What can I say? I’m a realist. We all need girl time at the very least, just like guys have to have a “guys’ night” from time to time.
I think to say that there’s little impact on women’s self-esteem is a little understated. I have friends who fall into a depression and complain consistently from the end of a relationship until the beginning of a new one. Thankfully, the single status usually doesn’t last long, because they are ready to move on to the next new guy as soon as he arrives. I have more friends who love playing the field and are confident enough to approach a guy at the bar. This depends on the person, their life and relationship history, and personality, but, if the women of the world would like to take credit for making their partner into the confident man he is, then far be it for me to deny you that pleasure. <3
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