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Tales from the playground: The over-cautious parent
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I was at the playground with my son today and over the usual playground din of children laughing and swings swinging, I heard an insistent and persistent voice repeatedly saying, “no!”, “that’s not safe”, “you’ve got to sit or else we’re leaving”, over and over again like a broken record. I inconspicuously veered around the slide to spy on the body that inhabited that voice and immediately noticed the sheer anxiety that was present on this mom’s face as she monitored every move that her two daughters made. The younger daughter appeared to be about four years old, yet was only permitted to go down the slide, fully upright at a 90 degree angle, on her bottom, no variations allowed. Meanwhile, my son is going down feet-first, head-first, on his side, backwards, and was probably making this mom think that I was being an unfit mom, judging by how she was treating her similarly aged daughter. I proceeded to watch this mom’s reaction to her energetic little girl’s every move and noticed that the more she tried to limit her daughter’s actions, the more this little girl tried to break free from these rules. The mom squeezed through and under areas of the play structure that are clearly not meant for people over the height of 3’5” to keep her daughter from hitting her head, even though the girl was completely capable of maneuvering on her own. I know I am in no place to make any kind of judgments on someone else’s parenting style - there may very well be reasons why she is so over-cautious. But it certainly gave me pause for thought to wonder if, although her intentions to protect her daughters are genuine, this will do more harm than good in the future.
Adrian Voce, director of Play England recently commissioned a study on this very subject and found that of all parents surveyed, 50 percent don’t allow their kids to climb trees, 17 percent advise their kids against playing tag because it is too dangerous, yet alarmingly, 73 percent allow their kids to access the Internet without adult supervision (probably the most dangerous of all). Voce states:
"Playing is an essential part of growing up and adventurous play that both challenges and excites children helps instill critical life skills…Children are not being allowed many of the freedoms that were taken for granted when we were children. They are not enjoying the opportunities to play outside that most people would have thought of as normal when they were growing up."
Aren’t playgrounds supposed to be where kids can be free to play and use their imaginations? Safety always comes first when I’m with my children, but I am also a believer in letting kids fall so they can learn to get back up on their own. If we are constantly there to prevent every injury, break every fall and shoulder every disappointment, how will these kids learn to cope with the inevitable heartbreak that comes with growing up? As much as it hurts us to see our kids hurt and as much as we want to protect our kids from any kind of pain, the reality is that life will hand them lots of hardships and obstacles as they grow as individuals. The more we can prepare them and teach them the skills needed to cope, the better we are doing as parents to protect them.
"Tales from the playground" will be an ongoing series featuring stories, anecdotes and general musings on how a playground can oftentimes represent a microcosm of society. Do you have any interesting playground stories? If so, please contact me at amIdoingthisright@live.com.
Photo courtesy of Stephen Baccon, TheAge.com.au
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